In theory, becoming a happier person is easy. Just follow your heart. Appreciate the little things. Be kinder to yourself. Blah, blah blah.
Don’t mean to sound cynical there…I write a personal development blog after all and coach people on how to create their most awesome life. So, you know I’m staunchly in favor of this whole getting happy thing.
But, as anyone who has dipped their toe in the lake of personal growth may have come to realize…this whole pursuit of happiness thing is often easier said than done.
All sorts of things have f$cked us up in various ways, from traumatic childhood experiences we just can’t seem to get over to the general conditioning we have received that life is just supposed to kind of suck, and if you think otherwise, you are a big fat moron.
Being our authentic selves and crafting the life we truly want can seem like a tall order at times, and following this path comes with all sorts of fun stuff, like massive fear, doubt, criticism, judgment and beating ourselves up for not being some perfect Buddha-like being who floats around on an expanded cloud of consciousness all the live long day, while remaining untouched by all the nasty bits of the human experience.
We place such a high premium on this much desired emotional state, and we can easily make ourselves miserable in trying to cultivate it. We put way too much pressure on ourselves, and work to create this version of ourselves that is kind of unrealistic—I really don’t like that word but it seemed fitting here.
We take this whole personal growth thing way too seriously. Here are a few of my thoughts on dealing with this conundrum.
You’re Not Perfect and You’ll Probably Never Will Be…Things Can Still Be Awesome
Sure, we know there is no such thing as being perfect…what constitutes a perfect person anyway? But, anyone who is on any sort of ‘journey’, on some level, is expecting they will reach some state of perfection where they never are angry, sad, petty, frustrated, fearful, doubtful, or any other ‘undesirable’ state.
And because we are unlikely to achieve this lofty goal, we are constantly beating up on ourselves for all our ‘humanness.’ These ‘lower’ moments feel even worse.
We often wrongly conclude that people whom we admire in some way must not have the same issues as us, or must be ‘perfect,’ lest they never would have been able to achieve what they have. We worry we will remain ‘broken’ and never be able to live the life we want or become the person we want to be because of all our ‘flaws’ and ‘issues.’
On this blog, I have never hesitated to share my struggles or the fact that I still have my shit like everyone else. And many people have responded really positively to that and said it made them feel better to know ‘someone like me’ suffers from the same human foibles. That people think I must be ‘perfect’ is flattering for sure, but no, no, I am not.
Know why it made them feel better? Because like all of us, there is that part of them that is expecting to become ‘perfect’ and thinking it is necessary, and they experienced a sense of relief that maybe, just maybe, things can get better without becoming some master of the human experience.
What we know to be true and what we feel is often very different and we do feel this desire to become ‘perfect’ more strongly than we may be aware of.
I am not a braggart, but I am also not one to downplay all the awesomeness I created in my own life because I’m proud of myself for doing so, and I know it inspires others to do the same. It was a bumpy road, but I kept at it.
And I did so as a very ‘imperfect’ being. While I’m still not totally there, I have learned to lighten up a lot and not put so much pressure on myself. I laugh at myself more. I show myself more compassion.
Now I shall share some of the ways in which I am not ‘perfect’
I can be quite moody at times. I can get mad at really stupid things. As much as I love traveling and experiencing other cultures, I have days where the differences wear on me, and even the littlest thing has me cursing the country and all its inhabitants.
I tell my husband often that I just want to punch him in the face…bless his heart that he finds this amusing.
Patience is certainly not one of my virtues, though I must say I am really making some great strides with this, as my husband Ryan can attest to…right babe?
It doesn’t take much to elicit an eye roll from me, and I do it with great relish. I have a love/hate relationship with humanity. Gun to my head..I really don’t like kids all that much, though one-on-one I tend to quite enjoy them in small doses.
I can be very ‘lazy’ at times…the other day I spent hours watching the King of Queens on YouTube, all the while feeling guilty that I should have been working on a blog post or doing something more ‘spiritual’ or ‘personal growth oriented’, but I just kept right on watching. My name is Kelli and I’m a TV-aholic. Okay not really, but I do like to watch TV, as ‘maligned’ as the activity is.
Start cutting yourself some slack. That we are so ‘imperfect’ is all part of the grand design of striving to be our best selves.All that contrast gives us a sense of what we would prefer to do, be and have. Being perfect would actually probably be pretty freaking boring.
Don’t Try to Be Something You are Not…There is No One Right Way to Do This
In our pursuit of betterment, we tend to pick up a lot of ideas of what it means to be ‘happy,’ ‘spiritual,’ ‘enlightened’ and what have you. And without a doubt, there are some uber-helpful nuggets floating around by people who are certainly walking the walk.
And when we find the tidbits that resonate with us, and apply them, awesome changes can take place.
But, sometimes, we may find we are unnecessarily applying all sorts of labels and putting ourselves in all sorts of boxes in an effort to carve out this new identity we hope to cultivate.
We have this idea we have to adopt one specific philosophy or belief system, and go full bore into that. And if we’re happy doing that, by all means. But we are often not.
We find ourselves doing all sorts of things because we are taught that is what we are supposed to do to make positive change, be happier, healthier and all that jazz. But, in placing all these restrictions we may not actually want to place, and living by all sorts of rules that really don’t resonate, we end up making ourselves feel really unhappy.
We don’t feel joyful and fulfilled in living this way. It often feels forced or like a chore, and then we get all down on ourselves for not being able to effortlessly ‘get in line’ and not actually feeling any better. We think we are ‘weak’ or doing it ‘wrong’
There is no one way to be happy. In the name of being ‘spiritual’ we can really shut down many parts of ourselves, and deny many things that make us happy.
Embrace what resonates with you and discard what doesn’t.
You can access all sorts of life-changing insights from studying the teachings of the Buddha, but you don’t have to become a full on Buddhist.
You can work on incorporating certain changes into your eating habits from what you have learned from studying different types of diets, but if you don’t want to go full on Paleo, raw food or whatever, it’s fine. You don’t have to. You’re not a weak, unhealthy mess for still wanting to eat cake or raviolis from time to time.
It’s okay if you don’t like yoga. If you find a walk in the park more calming than meditating, it’s all good. Cursing doesn’t make you less of a spiritual person.
Anyone on this personal development path will undoubtedly take in lots of different information and be exposed to all sorts of philosophies, lifestyles and the like. You will try different ones on for size…that is all part of the process of finding your own truth and what works for you. Don’t hesitate to take a pass on what doesn’t fit quite right for you.
You Don’t Have to Be All Happy and ‘Enlightened’ All The Time
It is great we have committed to finding ways to be more happy and enlightened.
I do believe one of the primary reasons we are here on this planet is to discover the awesome power we have to create our reality , that we are not separate from the awesome force that is God, the Universe, Source or whatever you like to call it,and find ways to free ourselves (as much as we can) from all the crap that comes with this whole being human thing, and tap back into ‘all that is.’
Feeling happy feels great, and naturally we want to feel this way as much as we can. We may pick up the idea that being a happy person means you are happy all the time. And that idea can do all sorts of damage because I don’t know if it is possible to feel happy all the time.
There may be people out there who do, and I may be completely wrong. All I know is, I consider myself to be a pretty happy person and I am certainly not happy all the time. This kind of goes hand in hand with the whole trying to be perfect thing.
When we have our bad moods or are having a hard time letting go of an ‘issue’ no matter how much we seem to work on it, we start judging ourselves as being ‘defective’ in some way. We think we are doing life ‘wrong.’
You work on becoming all Buddha-like and ‘enlightened’ and then get all down on yourself when you want to rip your husband’s face off for forgetting to take the garbage out, or slap that meanie mom at your kid’s school for commenting how great it is to see you at an event because she knows you are so busy working, and just don’t have the time to be more involved.
The reason you are doing all this ‘work’ is because you want to feel better—happier, less stressed, more at peace,etc…
But we often go about this in a way that actually makes it harder to get into these spaces because instead of acknowledging how we really feel much of the time, we try to reach for these thoughts and perspectives that we think we ‘should’ feel because that is the more enlightened view and then we just shut everything down.
We don’t let ourselves engage in the mental and emotional processes that will actually help us feel better, and actually allow us to reach a place where those enlightened perspectives actually resonate more strongly and sink in more deeply.
When that meanie mom delivers that underhanded compliment, you might go right to a thought about how she is just really insecure, or may be secretly envious you have a career. Maybe her marriage is in shambles. You try to cultivate some compassion and ‘be love.’
This is all fine and good if thinking this way actually makes you feel better, but if it doesn’t, you have to take a different tack. You have to be honest in admitting you think she is a giant bitch, and you would love nothing more in this moment, than to smash that homemade cake she is holding right in her face.
That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you a human with a range of complex emotions. So, what thought does make you feel better in this scenario? Maybe it is fantasizing about telling her off, or just walking away from her.
To me personally, becoming ‘enlightened’ is not about never having a negative thought or feeling again, or becoming ‘perfect.’ It is about learning how to navigate our inner world, acknowledging the ‘muck’ and finding ways to move into a better-feeling space.
It is about engaging with our feelings and recognizing more quickly (as best we can!) when we aren’t feeling good and what we can do to shift that, before all the crap snowballs into something more intensely unpleasant.
This is something that took me a while to realize and it is a ‘lesson’ I am still learning for sure. The way to being a happier person is not denying and judging our feelings, and pretending to feel things we really don’t because we think we ‘should’, and hopefully if we do that long enough, these enlightened perspectives will eventually sink in.
If we truly want to adopt these perspectives more genuinely more of the time, that starts with being honest about how we feel always.
You feel what you feel, and it all has value. It is just feedback to let you know how you have been focusing, and it is valuable in helping you make the shifts and see what is really going on inside. Let yourself feel your feelings and it’s okay if they aren’t always ‘good.’
In Closing…
There may be times when you wish you could go back to before you got this inkling to get more out of the human experience, and just be content with a ‘simpler’ existence. But, once that beast has been awakened, there is no putting it back to bed.
Make peace with the fact you want more out of life. There is no reason to ever settle or just be content with ‘good enough.’ But with that being said, know it is important to express appreciation for the good in your life now.
You can be content with what you have now and still have an eye towards getting more. Don’t feel guilty about it.
We are here to create all sorts of awesomeness and we are continually evolving.
Lighten up a bit and let yourself feel happy now in any way you can, even if the various goals haven’t yet been accomplished, or the things you want haven’t gravitated into your experience yet.
Don’t hesitate to laugh at yourself when you have those moments of getting bent out of shape for the little things, or even the big things. Your mind will fight you on that one, but be willing to loosen your grip on the point of view that you are ‘supposed’ to be having this negative reaction and it is the only appropriate way to respond.
Cliched as it is, it really is all about the journey…let that one really sink in, don’t just dismiss it.
You might have gotten off course a bit with your intentions and desires. Revisit that so you can get back on track. What are you doing that you don’t want to be doing anymore but think you ‘should’ be doing? Where are you still hiding your true self?
What have you accomplished so far? In what positive ways have you changed? Don’t dismiss all that…you have probably come a lot farther than you think. Make your own definition of happiness and success and use that as the blueprint.
Your Turn…
What did you think of the post? Do you find your journey to happiness is a bit bumpy at times? What resonated with you the most here? What are you struggling with right now? What insights or advice would you offer? Looking forward to your comments as always!
I certainly jumped to read this post when I read the title. I have felt like a failure more and more. I have been “awakened to the beast” for almost 6 years now and I still live in a semi state of panic financially and emotionally. I was hoping to get some insight from your post but it seems it was the same as most other bloggers. No real tools and I still feel like I am broken and will remain that way while others have some degree of financial and emotional security. Certain areas of my life just don’t seem to move. Its not really your problem but I am just being honest here because I don’t really have any friends who are on this path of creating reality, well at least they are not aware of it. Thanks for trying.
Hi Vikki
I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Too bad the post was not helpful for you…it wasn’t really a ‘tools’ post but rather just insights I wanted to share. But, there is one thing I would say…tools are a means to an end, and they are there to help us evoke certain feelings and focus our energy.
Different ones work for different people, but too many people fall into the trap of looking for the magic tools that will change their life, but nothing can make anything happen for you. While our mind certainly plays a role, we try way too hard to intellectualize the process, hence the obsession with tools and action. If you keep looking for something to come along and ‘fix’ you, things aren’t really going to change.
There is something that needs to be released that you are holding onto..something that may feel scary to release or own up to, but once you do that, you can have a nice shift. I would also suggest getting in touch with all the frustration and anger and let it come up…just be sure you don’t direct it at yourself. That is probably the most helpful tool you could use right now.
Good luck
Hi KC,
Really? I have no memory of any low energy stuff you have done.
As for the rest of the post, brilliant. I say this rarely; because I am kinda clear and honest in my praise…..but you are becoming more and more one of the few bloggers who is themselves ONLINE as they are OFFLINE. Rare feat, and your authenticity screams through. Nothing to add, loved each point.
Do NOT take yourself and your personal development too seriously, because it’s not meant to be serious and hey, you’ll laugh at yourself so much more and enjoy this ride, and goodness knows I am learning to take myself less and less seriously each day.
Ryan
Hi Ryan
Well, you know..it is so rare I do such things. Thank you for that…I do strive for that authenticity. You are the master at not taking yourself seriously I must say, and I can learn a lot from you in that vein.
Hi Kelli,
I couldn’t agree more. Which, unfortunately, leaves me with nothing to comment on – because you’re said it all. Great, great article that I’ll be sharing in a moment.
Meanwhile, a practical note. A moment ago a pop-up showed up inviting to connect with you on LinkedIn. I’d love to do that so clicked – but there was no profile on that link. If you’re still interested in collecting on LinkedIn let me know!
Smiles –
Halina
Hi Halina
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so happy you enjoyed the post. Thanks for letting me know about that. One of my friends who helps me with web stuff added that in for me and I will have to take a look and see what is up. Thank you for letting me know about that. I do have a Linkedin profile but haven’t done much with it. An avenue I’ll have to explore more.
Hi Kelli,
Thank you for writing this post. I admire that you share some details from your life that other bloggers wouldn’t for fear of being too negative or vulnerable. Honestly sometimes I feel really down about feeling down. It can sometimes seem that so many people online and in real life are just feeling good and at peace all the time, never have problems or insecurities, never feel dark or hopeless feelings. And it makes me feel awful to think that I’m failing at manifesting and will neve get what I want because of it. Sometimes all the emphasis on the positive makes me feel like a failure for experiencing negative feelings. I’m not a master at controlling my emotions. While I feel at least somewhat good most of the time, sometimes I fall into very negative emotions for hours or even a day or two.
I find this is really heightened with blogs and Instagram, because they make some people’s lives really seem so perfect. Perfect days, perfect looks, bodies, relationships, health, careers, trips, etc. I admit that I envy these people who seem so perfect. People who seem to always be doing what they are passionate about and never battle self doubt, frustration, procrastination, fear, uncertainty, etc. Some people seem to live in a happy bubble where everything is good all the time, no problems ever, so balanced all the time. Is it really real though? Because it can be hard to believe that this perfection is reality.
So thank you for sharing that you too have challenges. It is so refreshing to find someone willing to show true vulnerability and openness online, where everything seems to be about projecting a certain image.
Hello
Thank you for your comment. That you feel badly for feeling badly is all too common…we have such high expectations for ourselves and just want to feel good so badly and we get mad at ourselves for not being able to do it ‘better.’ And that just adds to the suffering.
It is good that you are able to admit to yourself that you actually feel those feelings about how you perceive other people’s lives to be because we are all prone to doing that. On an intellectual level, we know everyone has their ‘stuff’ and we don’t see the whole picture, but how we feel is often very different. The problem is we don’t explore the true feelings and shut them down because we purport to ‘know’ the truth. And then we continue to feel badly and feel stuck.
You are not a failure at all for having negative emotions…you are simply human. You are right that all the emphasis on the positive can make us feel like we are doing something ‘wrong.’ That is why I share the types of things I shared today…it is easy to think people like myself who blog about personal development and have had success in changing our lives must not experience these things anymore and that is just not true. The thing is, like you said, it is not being shared.
I assure you that no one’s life is as perfect as you may think it is…sure, they may have some good things, be happy,etc…but they are human just like everyone else. Many people have things in their life that we assume they must be happy about, but may not be very happy about at all.
Many people who seem to have these interesting lives or do these really great things often have lots of self-doubt and fear that comes with going against the grain. Are there people who are as happy and perfect as you think they are? I guess anything is possible but unlikely.
The great thing is…we don’t have to be like that to enjoy life and have good things. We can experience the whole range and still be generally happy and at peace, warts and all. If social media has that strong of an effect, it is probably a good idea to pull back…it can really mess with our heads.
Also, I did want to check that you did get my email awhile back in response to that last comment you had left me. I felt a private response was better.
Hi Kelli,
I was just re listening to your podcasts and rereading your message today (thank you again for writing it) and had some questions that perhaps others may find helpful too.
I feel pressure from other people to take action towards bigger desires, but when I think of practical action steps the energy just feels off and I don’t end up doing anything. Or I take steps in a certain direction in face of an uncomfortable feeling, and nothing ends up happening. I don’t know if I’m blocking myself or if it’s my intuition telling me to wait? I still have a difficult time trusting this process, even though I do admit that I have manifested many wanted things (even if they were mostly watered down versions) without doing anything particular to bring about a certain result. I just went with the flow or said yes to the opportunities that came.
I still waver between doubt and trust when I think about if I’m doing the right things or not. I don’t know if I’m just being impractical or if I can trust certain feelings of unease to really mean that it’s not time to do something.
I’ve been studying this for a really long time but my greatest desires haven’t manifested. I get smaller related manifestations, and I can tap into feelings of pure joy for minutes, hours, even have days that overall feel really good. But often nothing happens afterwards. I still doubt because it’s been so long since I’ve desired certain things and they haven’t fully manifested. How long is this process supposed to take?
It sounds like manifestations happen instantly for some people and take a long time for others, sometimes seemingly independent of resistance and overall vibration.
I really see no idea at all how I am going to get to where I want to be. And when I brainstorm ways of getting there, possible paths or steps to take, practical things, they all feel off from where I am. I have difficulty trusting that the right opportunities will find me where I am, and that if I don’t do things to set momentum in motion, I won’t get what I want (or it will come, albeit very slowly. And I don’t want to wait anymore!) I fear time is running out for certain desires I have and this creates a lot of stress for me, because it puts huge pressure to act now, and I feel guilty for not doing so. Does feeling good, even for a few hours each day, help wanted manifestations come in? I worry that I dip too often into anxiety and other negative emotions too often for the things I really want to come in easily and without struggle.
Awesome questions and today’s post answers them for you!
Thank you for this post. It’s what I really needed today. I have been feeling out of sorts lately, since a lot of my friends are settling down, starting families and working full-time jobs with good pay. It doesn’t help to remind myself that they’re probably jealous of me, since I get to run around outside and have the freedom to make my own schedule. I still want what they have. Jealousy, ahh. I really appreciate your perspective, Kelli. It is nice to know that other people struggle with the same feelings I do. 🙂
Hi Emjay
Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experience. It can be very disconcerting when we feel out of step with the people around us. We have been very conditioned to believe life is supposed to be a certain way and to want certain things,etc…
As for wanting what they have, I would suggest examining that more deeply. Do you truly want what they have or do you think that is what you should want? If you do truly want their type of life, that is perfectly fine and you can use the insights you gain to help create similar things in your own life. But just make sure you want the things you want because that is what you truly want.
When you think about these desires, note any discomfort that comes up…this is all the resistance you have to getting these things. For example, you may have a conscious desire to have children but when you really think about it, you realize there is a deep fear of the responsibility or having to compromise,etc…and that a big part of you actually is very resistant. Often times, we have strong negative associations with getting the things we purport to want and we don’t realize it.
Whatever you want for yourself is possible and can be on your own terms that you have defined…we just have to get clear what those terms are so we can more consciously create our reality.
Wherever you are right now is perfect for helping you get where you want to be…it probably doesn’t feel that way. Also, keep in mind you have no idea how people truly feel about their lives. Something you assume makes them happy may be making them anything but.
Hello Kelli,
I enjoyed reading your post. life is all about ups and downs so you need to prepare for anything in life.
Recently, I had a chance to interview you and it turns out that it was one of my happiest moments. Ideally, it’s never easy to get a blogger accepting a request of this nature, especially if you are new to them and never socialized before. But I was thankful since my quest for happiness paid off and never subjected me to misery.
You’re wonderful Kelli.
Hi Enock
Thanks so much for your comment and I am so happy you liked the post. I am so glad you reached out to me and I was able to share my thoughts on such an important topic for bloggers. I look forward to seeing the post with the other responses. You have such a positive attitude…I can feel it radiating from your words.
Thanks Kelli. I am having a bit of a bumpy time of late. I’m chipping away at my resistance around so many things, and I feel all high vibing sometimes, then I have a day here and there (today is one of those days) when I feel blah, don’t feel like doing any LOA work, just letting my mind be blank. I don’t feel negative, just blah and bored and a little bit annoyed that things aren’t changing fast enough. Or yesterday, I had a headache and I couldn’t have cared less about LOA or anything, I just wanted to go to sleep and get rid of this headache. If I’m vibing so great, why did I get a headache?
Today I feel a bit like I’m going backwards and to be honest it’s frustrating. I wanted to get work, and I am getting better and better temping jobs, but I don’t feel things are moving fast enough for me. I feel as though I’ve had a taste of the life I want (in my imagination) and when I look at my reality it all seems so boring because it’s still there and it’s dull in comparison.
What does this mean?
Hey Bunny
Those bumpy times are tough but are actually a sign that you are moving forward. I can tell you are making such great strides in raising your vibration and shifting beliefs, and anything not compatible with that higher vibration has to come up to be released. I know in the moment it doesn’t feel great and we really don’t love that part of the process, but it’s always all good.
Be sure to show yourself some compassion…us LOA folk have a tendency to really beat ourselves up. Realizing we create every aspect of our reality can put a lot of pressure on us. Don’t make yourself do any ‘work’ if you don’t feel like it. While tools can be helpful for getting us back into a good space, sometimes they produce the exact opposite effect and it is good to back off. They are not ‘necessary’ so it’s okay.
If you were feeling a lot of annoyance and resistance, the headache was likely a result of that, and don’t worry too much about it.
Let’s face it…even though we know we aren’t supposed to base our feelings on outside circumstances, we are going to do it sometimes. We just can’t help it. We want certain things and when we don’t have them yet, it makes us feel down.
I find that in these types of moments, one of the major culprits is a severe resistance on our part to let some sort of belief go–our mind is just insistent on it, or an inability to admit that a certain aspect of our life isn’t working for us…there is a deep fear attached to admitting this truth because of the implications it may bring.
I think you are just moving so much energy, the clearing just feels really intense.
Wow I must be shifting a LOT of resistance because stuff is coming up hard and fast for me. I have been going pretty hard every day at this LOA stuff. It’s just difficult while everything is changing so fast and not necessarily in the way that I imagined. I FEEL better, but on the outside things LOOK worse. Figure that out!! LOA at work I guess. I suppose you have to break down the structures before you can build the new ones. Thanks Kelli, you have really made me feel better :o) xxx
Yeah, these moments can be really uncomfortable. As much as we know we aren’t supposed to, we can’t help but create expectations of what we think the process of getting what we want will look like, and it almost never includes the unpleasant releasing of resistance or coming up against the obstacles that are standing in the way of entering that higher vibration more consistently. The breaking down of structures is a very good way to look at it and that is exactly what is happening. Just be sure to let yourself feel your feelings and don’t try to be all ‘enlightened’ when you are feeling really far away from those perspectives energetically.
Great post Kelli 🙂 I like the awakening of the beast ….a creature I have been playing with and sometimes running away from for many years now! I totally get what you say about days where being in your non native place sucks, that happens to me from time to time. I reckon it’s not that different to PMT 🙂 what seems wonderful or at least good for most of the month, can seem horrendous or too challenging for a a few days, once in a while.
I guess it’s about having our buttons pushed, and I think both travel and living abroad can speed this process up quite a bit.
I feel each place can mirror or bring out aspects of our own energy and potential …so of course depending on where you are, the experiences may seem more pleasant, you may feel more creative ….or some layers of the beast type stuff may be flipping around. 🙂
Hi Jackie
So glad you enjoyed it. I really liked what you said about a place being a mirror…that is so so true and we can gain some fascinating insights if we realize that is what is going on. You are so right about travel and living abroad being an ultimate ‘button pusher’!
I have recently read your blog each day and it’s awesome! I have lived the LOA for the last 20 years and truly have received all that I visioned, a wonderful husband, three beautiful kids, great friends. I am 40, and Three years ago my husband took a new job and we moved from chicago to Milwaukee. I trusted the opportunity and was willing to take a risk although I was very happy in chicago. Upon arriving in Milwaukee I feel like things have just been totally downhill. My overbearing in laws moved around the corner from us without discussing it, I can’t seem to find good friends(something that has always come easily to me) I did find one dear friend but this month she’s moving to chicago: of all places. I have tried to like it here but truth is I hate it! I want to move and my husband isn’t onboard. If it were just me I would have left two years ago because the energy here just doesn’t match mine. I want to take action but feel stuck because my husband is the financial earner and I’m busy raising three kids. I keep trying to raise my energy throughout the day but the overwhelming weight of living here keeps bringing me down. Help!
Hi Katie
I appreciate the tough spot you are in. I can only give really general advice when I haven’t spoken with someone one on one, so at some point you may find a session helpful to talk things out. Here are a couple of things to chew on that should help from an energetic perspective.
1. Your current surroundings aren’t the true cause of the problems–that doesn’t mean of course you can’t have preferences for different circumstances that are more in line with your energy personality,etc… We all have those preferences and they are fine. The purpose of life is not trying to just be happy with whatever you are currently experiencing…we can want whatever we want and pursue those things.
But this will help free you from your mind’s tendency to blame external situations, thinking they must change in order for you to feel better. So you have to see what is being triggered by your in-laws, not liking the city specifically, feeling like you can’t actively contribute to the change because of responsibilities etc…
2. Don’t deny what you are feeling now. It is good you are making a conscious effort to shift your energy–that is the name of the game ultimately. But we can’t do this at the expense of our current emotional state. I suspect this effort feels so difficult because you just aren’t all that happy with what is going on, and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to admit your feelings. This engagement is key.
Nice post 🙂 This is really inspiring for people like me.
Thanks Connie!