Meditation changed my life…like for real. People can throw that ‘life-changing’ sentiment around quite easily without really meaning it, but I’m not exaggerating in the least.
When people ask me what they can do to make positive changes, and just feel better overall, this tip shares the top spot with studying the Law of Attraction.
There seems to be a growing interest in this ancient practice. I think this is partly due to meditation getting more attention in Western research, and the fact the overall consciousness of people is expanding on a global level.
Everything starts in our minds—our beliefs, thoughts and feelings form the core of our experience. They are the starting point for every decision we make, and determine what becomes of our lives. For the most part, what is going on upstairs is really doing a number on us and causing unnecessary suffering.
The raging river of thoughts that rushes through our mind during our waking hours holds us hostage; we believe we are at the mercy of our a-hole brains, but that can be reversed.
If you want to find a way to deal with the negative emotions that are part and parcel of the human experience, I can’t think of a better approach than meditating.
Before I dive into things, check out this short video if you so desire with a quick thought on meditating.
Breaks Habitual Reactions
We all know the drill—something happens we don’t like, and within a split second, we are reacting in a way that causes us lots of pain. It leads us to make hasty decisions, or say and do things that we don’t mean, make the problem worse, create a whole new host of crappy feelings like embarrassment or regret, or just generally bring more crap into our experience.
At these moments, we feel we truly have no control over how we react. We naturally have a preference for situations that make us feel good, and we feel quite justified in reacting the way we do.
But, I’ll bet you really don’t like how this habit of reacting is playing out in your day-to-day experience. You would probably like to feel better, not get so worked up about things and handle these situations with a bit more grace and ease.
Well, you’ll be happy to know this is totally possible for you, and that meditating is probably the most effective way to break this habit of reaction, and move into the space of responding. Responding is very different—it comes from a place of greater calm and clarity. Anger and other negative feelings are not a requirement.
The reason we engage in this way is a complete lack of awareness about what is going on in our heads. We are living on auto-pilot. We have no control over our thoughts and feelings—something pops in and we get swept away in the current of shit river.
Meditation helps increase this awareness, and rather than instantaneously reacting to the first thoughts and feelings that make an appearance, you stop for a second and tune into what you are experiencing. There is a space you have created that allows you to observe what is happening.
And in this space, you can choose how you will proceed. You can weigh your options; you can see the issue more clearly and what is really going on. Any negative feeling you may have will likely lose its intensity.
Now, does this mean you will always make the Buddha-like choice, and respond as a spiritual master would to the myriad experiences that can potentially sour your day? Probably not–I sure don’t. But, that’s okay. Remember, we are just working on being better, not perfect.
Allows You to Figure out Why You Feel and Think What You Do
One thing I realized when I started this whole personal development rigamarole is I had a lot of negative feelings and thoughts, but I wasn’t quite sure where they originated. I knew I felt badly, but I wasn’t quite sure why.
And one of the reasons we don’t know the answer to this question is because we are so disconnected from ourselves. Meditation helps us reconnect, and oh the insights you will have, and not just when you are actively sitting, but as you go about your day.
Things will click; you will make connections you have never made. Things will become so clear and obvious, and you will wonder how you never figured it out before. Once you figure out where all this ‘stuff’ originated ,and what triggers it, you are well on your way to finding effective solutions for dealing with these issues, and in some cases, getting rid of them altogether.
You will have a better idea of what changes you need to make in your life to make yourself feel better and adopt a more positive train of thought. Your path will become clearer. You’ll find ways to more effectively deal with your ‘stuff’.
Remember, the goal here is not totally eradicating every negative thought and feeling—though I suppose some people can do that—but to just reduce them ,loosen their grip on you, minimize their impact and handle them better. Always remember to be compassionate with yourself on this little journey of change.
Helps You Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
Our disdain for less-than-pleasant feelings really causes us all sorts of trouble. No one likes feeling badly, and our first impulse is to make them go away as quickly as possible. Nothing wrong with that—the only problem is, the courses of action we gravitate towards tend to add to our suffering in some way, either in the immediate moment or on a grander scale.
Nothing is permanent, including our thoughts and feelings. This is one of those things where what we KNOW and what we FEEL are very different. And in that moment, the yuck feels eternal because it consumes us; we can’t see past it, and reality becomes totally distorted.
Meditation is a great tool for getting more comfortable with uncomfortable feelings; it increases our awareness of impermanence. A greater awareness of the temporary nature of the ‘yuck’ reduces that overwhelming desire to make it go away at any cost. It keeps us from doing things we know we really don’t want to do, or shouldn’t do, things we may end up regretting, maybe even just a few minutes down the line.
Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable will keep you from writing a desperate, rambling email to your ex when you experience that overwhelming urge of missing him.
It will keep you from polishing off a whole cake when you are feeling a bit stressed after a particularly trying conversation with Mom.
It prevents you from telling off your in-laws, and making their visit even more unpleasant, because you realize they are only here once a year, and you can get through a couple of more days.
It prevents nasty fights borne of getting all worked up about things that really aren’t that big of a deal.
Being able to better sit with my uncomfortable feelings has not only prevented me from doing things that I will just end up beating myself up over, it has also allowed me to create my ideal life.
By getting comfortable with uncomfortable feelings, you will find the courage to go after what you really want in life; you will not be as affected by the criticism, judgments and opinions of others. You will feel more confident about following your own path, making your own definitions of success and happiness, and molding your life around them.
Lets You Observe Your Mind like a Third Party
Like I mentioned before, meditation helps create that space that stands between that part of you that is just sheer awareness and consciousness, and our thoughts and feelings. It allows you to see the amazing truth these things are not us, that they are separate entities that just come and go.
Meditation allows you to observe all these burdensome thoughts and feelings without any sort of attachment or judgment. You don’t get all caught up in them. They don’t feel as much like something happening within, but rather outside of you. It is like you are a third party watching everything from a distance. When you move through the world in this way, amazing things happen.
You realize how much power you have to mold your internal world. You stop labeling yourself as an ‘anxious’ person or an ‘angry’ person. You know these are just feelings and not ‘you.’ These moments when these feelings surface tend to be less intense.
You will become more aware of what you are thinking in a given moment, and when you are going to a ‘bad place.’ Your ‘higher self’ intervenes, and you can shift course to a more pleasant stream of thoughts.
In my own life, this third-party view of my dealings has particularly helped me see when I am being kind of ridiculous about things. I tend to get annoyed by weird stuff, and these days, I usually see the ‘error of my ways’ before I even finish my complaint-laden sentence. Oh, I still finish it mind you, but I’m already laughing at myself.
Some Tips to Get You Started
So, now that I’ve made an awesome case for why meditating is the ultimate tool for dealing with all the crap jacking up our happiness, I wanted to leave you with a few tips to aid you on your meditation journey, because I know you are going to jump right on this, right???? Right.
First, it’s okay to start off slowly—even just five minutes. The key is to get comfortable with the practice, and diving right into long stretches probably will turn you off from meditating.
There really is no one best time, though right in the morning can be particularly effective. Finding a specific time to get into the groove is usually a good idea to develop the habit, but I would suggest in the beginning to sit based on when you are feeling inspired to do so—it makes you more likely to sit the allotted time, and feel good about it. Though if you are the type of person who responds well to self-imposed declarations, by all means commit to doing it at a specific time.
Accept whatever happens during your sit—sometimes you will feel like you are connecting with ‘’all that is’’ ,sometimes you will feel like nothing is happening and sometimes you will just feel kind of crappy. This is true even for people who have been doing it for years, though over time, you will generally experience more ‘cool stuff’ on a consistent basis.
A lot of people find they go through periods of meditating for awhile and then falling off the wagon for a bit, and then starting again. This is normal. So if you start doing it for a week, then give up, but then feel the urge to start trying again a month from now, do it. Don’t look at your past experience of quitting and conclude it isn’t for you. It can take a bit until it becomes a regular practice and something you feel you ‘can’t live without.’
Meditation can be part of a spiritual practice or just a totally practical tool, so for those of you worrying it will turn you into some sort of hippie weirdo, that is not likely to happen. Though, you’ll probably look at people like that–which is kind of what I am like– in a new light, and realize they may be onto something. 🙂
Please leave me a comment. Would love to hear your thoughts on this post. What challenges have you had with meditating? Do you have any fears about it? If you already practice, what benefits have you gotten so far? What tips would you give to newbies? Till next time…
Hi, I really enjoyed your post. I’m very new to meditation. I’ve only been doing it on my own for about 2 weeks. I’m going to attend a free intro class tomorrow because I’m sure there are many things that I’m missing that someone else can help me with. So far, I have noticed a different. I do it for about 15 minutes first thing in the morning and I tend to be clear and calm for a few hours after, but I have trouble taking that mind set and thought process through the rest of the day. Then my negative and yucky feelings that I’m dealing with come back. Is that something that you learn overtime?
Hi Megan
Thanks for stopping by. So glad you enjoyed the post. Going to the class will be great–there is always something new to be learned that may help your own practice. One thing I would say when doing this, or any type of ‘personal development’ fact finding, is evaluating what is working for you and what isn’t, and chucking the stuff that doesn’t resonate with you.
Over time, I find the effects of meditation last longer because it transforms us as a whole and our feeling good is not in direct proportion to how long ago we sat. But, one thing to keep in mind that is hard for us, myself included, is we may never reach a point where we are a perfect spiritual master who never experiences negative feelings again. Just do your best to accept whatever feelings come up–when we resist them or have this idea they ‘shouldn’t’ be there, it just makes them more intense. The acceptance makes them feel less powerful and it usually makes them go away more quickly. It might also help to take another little mini-meditation break to center yourself, like five minutes or so. That is always helpful for me.
Good luck with your practice…you have already seen results after two weeks, and things will just keep getting better!
Hi Kelli, I’ve really enjoyed reading your post. I would love to get better at meditating but I’ve only tried it for a short time, never really persisted, so that almost doesn’t even count. I even got enrolled at Zen Habits program. Anyways, how did you start? Do you have any videos or books to recommend? Thanks for sharing!
Hi Vera
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. So glad you liked the post. I was reading about personal development type ‘stuff’ and meditation is almost always recommended as a tool so I started doing it. While I regularly sit now, at first, my efforts were very sporadic. I would do it for awhile and then stop. Sometimes really long stretches would go by without doing it, but as soon as I felt an urge again, I started. Eventually, it became a habit. So, if you stop and start a lot that is okay, just always go back when you feel like it.
Also, it is okay to just sit for short times, like five minutes. If we try to jump right into sitting for longer periods, like 30 minutes, we will probably not feel very motivated to keep going because that can be hard.
The one book that really inspired me to keep up with meditation was Journey of Awakening A Meditator’s Guidebook by Ram Dass. I think you will find that book very interesting!
Hi Kelli,
You have such a crisp, clear view on personal development, and on meditation in particular. Your listing of practical situations is dead on and is so helpful to your readers. When we say “uncomfortable”, most folks think of wearing a jacket that’s a bit too tight. It feels a bit off, or confining, and you just want to take it off as soon as possible.
Well folks, in some instances, the feeling will be 100 more times overwhelming than that. No worries though; if you don’t cling, the feelings will come and go, and you’ll be at peace again.
Frequent meditation sessions help you face, embrace and release these emotions.
Thanks so much.
Tweeting in a bit.
Ryan
Hi Ryan
Thanks so much for your insightful comment. That is a great analogy with the uncomfortable clothing. I like to give the examples to help illustrate my point more clearly and get people thinking about specific situations in their own lives. I know you are a meditation enthusiast and have seen great results in your own practice.
Well Kelli,
This is some post indeed, I could not take my eyes off it untill I finished reading it! Deffo commited now and I am going to make time each morning to meditate.
I used to think that people who meditate are long haired hippie types smoking pot, wearing flowers and listening to whale music not that there is anything wrong in that (apart from the Pot thing) but how wrong I was as you have well poved it in this post.
As you know from previous correspondence I have impoved mentally very much when this time last year I would fly off the handle all the time at the littlest thing but now it’s usually Lou.
My main mantra these days is this – ‘Respond, Don’t React‘ – I am always telling people that, especially Lou. For some reason this post of your keeps me thinking of this Yoda quote (Yep am a deffo Star Wars fan) – ‘Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering‘
A few weeks ago my old man said to me something along the lines of this – ‘I hate my life, this flat, why are things so crap for me‘ – On the outside this is a man who looks to have everything, a paid for house, bulging bank account, no commitments, freedom to go wherever (and he does, 6 holidays so far this year alone) he wants to, no debt, friends he see’s every day, epic social life, a loving close family in me and my brother. Things a lot of people can only dream about.
In contrast I have the opposite, worrying about when my next paid gig is, no cash in my account, a mortgage (that’s finally getting paid off next year, Yipee 🙂 ), A somtimes stressful relationship with Lou that I work hard on. Constantly giving my time, energy and soul to my relationships, friends and family both IRL and Online. I don’t mind admiting that myself often comes 2nd to everyone else (I sound full of it and looking for the sympathy vote here, I assure you I am not though, just trying to paint a picture).
So now I have painted a little picture here about the contrasts between my Dad and Me I could have reacted like this; ‘You selfish B*****d, you have everything you ever wanted so deal with it!’ and for a split second that thought did enter my mind but then I thought about how over the years he worked hard for 40+ years to bring food to the table, bring Myself and David up and dealing with Mum and her Bipolar and Schizofrenia illness.
I resonded totally differntly though. I got up, got into town to meet him and asked – How can I help? I wont go into details but a lot was talked about and in the end we had a great day of a pb crawl simply because I RESPONDED and not REACTED.
Phew am starting to well up now! I don’t know what it is KC but for some reason you have the ability to make me write these very personal comments from time to time! It’s 23.30 here now and I feel more refreshed. It would be nice though if my dad would turn the tables on me and act like I did for him, but still he is an old dog now and you know what they say about new tricks.
Great post as usual KC it really rocked me this time. Thank you 🙂
– PD
Hey Phill
Thanks so much for this awesome comment. Yeah, meditation definitely has that ‘reputation’ and it is certainly a primary component of enhancing spirituality, but at its root it is highly practical and its benefits are those that are good for anyone, such as reducing stress and controlling emotion. I’m so happy this post inspired you to start meditating—I think you’ll be very happy with that decision.
Respond don’t react is a very powerful mantra and change the way we move through the world dramatically.
To be able to react to your dad in that way shows tremendous growth and understanding. It is a perfect example of how people have such a different perspective and view of their own life compared to someone else’s. Like many people, he is more apt to focus on what he doesn’t like and not fully see all the good. We are all guilty of that sometimes. It is understandable to want him to act a bit differently but that you can accept him for what he is, and not rely on him to contribute to your happiness in any way will free you from a lot of emotional angst, and if it does surface, will be less intense.
I love these comments and learning more about you, so always keep them coming!
Yep will do KC. Glad you liked it!
Yep my dad at times seem stuck in his ways so trying to chage his will be a waste of my time and will just be spinning my wheels!
Am glad you like my comments anyway even though they can be a bit in your face hey!
Have a great day anyway KC.
– PD
Kelli,
Meditation. I really should do that. To be perfectly candid, every time I try to meditate I either start making a to-do list or falling asleep! Maybe once my kids are grown I’ll have more space in my head for it… but right now I think I might just have a little too much ADD to make it happen on and significant level.
I think maybe affirmations are more my speed. Thoughts?
Brittany
Hey Brittany
The one thing that has helped me stick with meditation is letting go of the idea that I need to completely empty my head of any thought. I suppose really advanced people may be able to do that ,but I haven’t reached that point yet. The main goal of meditation for me anyway, is learning to observe my thoughts without judgment or attachment. There are lots of times for me when mundane things like that run through my mind but I do my best to just go back to following my breath. As you progress, the mind will get quieter; these types of thoughts may pop in but they will feel like they are more ‘in the distance’ than the front and center of your mind.
I think affirmations are great for changing thought patterns–the key to working with them successfully is crafting ones that resonate with you on an emotional level, and you can feel are ‘true’ even if your reality may not reflect what you are saying 100 percent. For example, if someone was struggling financially, and could barely pay their bills, affirming something like’ I’m a millionaire’ probably wouldn’t make them feel better.
Good post Kelli!
About 3 years ago I had a really great paying job with a bunch of people I really liked. We were in an industry where we were making tons of money. It all changed when the owner gave the reins to his son-in-law – a younger guy with no management experience. At first we got along great (I was the de-facto boss in the office), but with time he got more and more involved in the business, got an inflated ego, and micro-managed everything from the furnishings in the office to what restaurants we should take our clients. Relationships in the office began breaking down, mostly because he changed the rules every two minutes. Employees who previously reported to me were telling him if they would, for example, be taking the next day off (he was in Geneva mind you, on another continent). It started driving me crazy, every stupid petty little thing he did was getting under my skin. I talked to him, he would apologize, then it would revert to the same. Two of our senior people quit or were fired. I seethed. We were making tons of money, there was no reason to micro-manage every aspect of our lives, both in and out of the office.
One day I snapped. I told him off. Then I spoke to the owner and told him that his son-in-law was ruining our company. The owner tried to get us to talk but the son-in-law felt I had betrayed his trust. He demanded I apologize publicly. I told him to screw himself. He fired me. I sued him. In the end I got a sweet settlement.
But I look back and have regrets about how I handled it. I’m not proud of it. Maybe I could have fixed things internally with time. I loved my job and my co-workers and sometimes I miss it. And the truth is that I really liked the son-in-law as a person, even if he was the worst boss ever. I lost all that, partly because of my own actions. And it all happened on that one day when I snapped. Like you say, I wish I could have taken a more ‘Buddha’ approach to things, viewing it as almost a 3rd party instead of as the victim.
Since then Spanky and I try to fit in some yoga and meditation. And I totally agree with everything you say about the benefits of meditation. I wish I had done it back then. But it’s been hard to make it regular, it falls by the wayside when we get busy with other things. And I don’t know if this is usual – I always fall asleep during meditation. 5 minutes in and I’m asleep. But I wake up incredibly rested and at peace :).
All to say I totally agree with everything you say in this post.
Frank (bbqboy)
Hey Frank
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I imagine that would have been a very difficult situation to handle–we spend so much time at work and it is such a huge part of our lives. To have all that going on and having to deal with it every day is hard. Most people probably would have handled it like you–I wasn’t always like I am now, and lots of the stuff I wrote about in this post were not things that I always knew or thought. And I still have moments of anger and all that–no Buddha here, that’s for sure!
The most important thing is you learned from the experience, and looking back on it, you gained some insights that have likely had a very positive impact on your life since then.
I think a lot of people get on and off the meditation train–it can take a bit to make it a regular habit. I just always recommend going back to it whenever you get the urge and don’t look at your past struggles with it as an indicator it ‘isn’t for you.’ If you feel that pull to do it, it means you will benefit from it. I think falling asleep is something a lot of people experience. That relaxation mode can definitely send some sleep signals. One thing that helps me is always making sure I am sitting up super-straight, that seems to increase the energy flow and I feel more alert.
I am so glad you liked the post, and thanks for sharing your story. I always love learning more about the people I connect with online!
Kelli,
Okay, you’ve convinced me to make meditation more of a priority in my life. I’ll admit, I’m very sporadic about it. My brain comes up with these excuses like “Look at your to-do list. You can’t just SIT for 15 minutes.” Which makes about as much sense as saying “I need to be working on losing weight; I don’t have time to run today.”
I have been using meditation for awhile now to combat my fiery natural redhead reactions. When something upsets me, I withdraw and reflect whenever possible so that I can respond intentionally.
However, I certainly see the benefit in making it a daily practice to help mindful response become a HABIT.
I’ve started practicing yoga more, as well. For me, I find that when I challenge my body it helps my mind to come in and focus instead of bouncing around in 87 different directions while I meditate.
I love what you say about observing your thoughts without judgment instead of trying to empty your head. Trying to force your mind to empty itself is like trying to shove all the darkness out of a room before turning the light on.
My biggest struggle with meditation is my irrational fear that I will lose track of time and get sucked into some great cosmic void for hours (this has never actually happened). Maybe I will start setting a timer for myself so I can stop using that excuse. 🙂
Great post, Kelli! Will be sharing, as usual!
Mandie
Hey Mandie
My efforts were very sporadic at first as well–it can take a bit to make it a regular habit. Like I said in the post, I encourage everyone to always come back to it when they feel the urge no matter how long its been since they last did it. That analogy is spot on! It reminds me of a quote I saw that went something along the lines of ‘if you don’t have time to meditate for 20 minutes, you should make it 60. Our brains can be quite the a-holes at times and lead us away from all the stuff that is good for us!
That is great that habit of reflecting is in your awareness, it can really change our world dramatically when we are not complete slaves to our thoughts and feelings. Life gets a lot easier and we can avoid a lot of crap. I sometimes still get caught up, but it doesn’t happen as much as it used to.
Yeah, the idea of not thinking anything is something that can make people not stick with meditation or feel like they’re doing it ‘wrong.’ I supposed there are people who are able to do that, I haven’t gotten there yet. We think and feel things all day long, and if we can find a tool that helps us better detach from them, and figure out what is going on, we are golden.
Reading about your fear made me laugh out loud literally. The timer is a good idea, especially when you are first starting out–it reduces the urge to keep checking the time to see how long it has been. So long as the timer hasn’t gone off, you know to keep sitting.