Hello Kelli
My question is how do we become indifferent about what we want while we may actually need it like money, or a job, or even the next meal we’re going to have? how do we trust when we face harsh realities that doesn’t meet even the basic needs of food and shelter?
This is a great question. The more challenging the circumstance, the more challenging it is to embrace these sorts of perspectives. Besides advice on detachment, I gave some other thoughts too that I think people will find helpful if they are in situations evoking strong energies of ‘need’ and fear.
You Don’t Have to Pretend You Don’t Care
The word ‘indifferent’ really stuck out to me, and illustrates one of the biggest conundrums of the conscious creator. We are told we have to ‘detach’ from outcomes and from what we want, and this is absolutely true.
But this advice can lead people to attempt something that just can’t be done–trying to get to a space where they literally don’t care if what they want comes, they literally don’t want it anymore.
Let’s face it–it’s unlikely to happen, especially in this sort of circumstance. It is perfectly reasonable to want our basic needs met, and there is no reason to worry they can’t be, especially if we understand the role of energy in our lives. Anything us humans require to thrive here will be given to us, provided we hold up our end of the bargain energetically.
Money is a thing here on Earth, so it makes sense we want enough to at least meet our financial obligations, eat and have a place to live–though we do want to set our sights higher when it comes to manifesting it. You don’t need to settle for a life of just getting by–again no reason to when we understand the role of energy.
So don’t try to force yourself to pretend you don’t care about things you care about ,especially when you are in more challenging circumstances, especially when money is involved.
The amount of energy you would need to expend to actually accomplish this would be much better spent banking some positive momentum, even a little of which can open you up to new possibilities and trajectories.
You can want what you want–the key is dissolving the constant worry it won’t come, and being open to the channels through which it will be delivered. That is the essence of detachment.
Who You Really Are Needs Nothing
This is one of those perspectives that our mind can really take issue with, but just bear with me and I think you’ll find it helpful. Remember the energetic transformations must take place before we see the changes in our reality. Our energy is the level of cause, and the contents of our reality is all on the level of ‘effect.’
Doing this ‘work’ with the greatest ease does call on us to adopt some pretty radical perspectives, some of which your mind will fight you to the death. We are constantly being faced with the choice to entertain these more empowering ideas or keep believing the stuff that feels really shitty, waiting for a ‘reason’ to stop believing these things. This is not something you do just once.
Manifesting from a space of feeling whole and complete now, realizing we are perfect as we are now, is much easier, and much more pleasant than manifesting from a space of intense resistance to our current reality, when everything we want is preceded by a desperate sense of need.
Human ‘you’, with all your ‘needs’ is not who you really are. Who you really are is again, whole, perfect and complete. Who we really are needs nothing. Spirit doesn’t need food, shelter, money to pay bills, or a job. Who you really are is not lacking in any way because these things are absent from your life experience.
Now, I know you are thinking that ‘human’ you does need these things, so you get to be all in a tizzy because you don’t have them. You get to lament your current circumstances, and feel badly until the problem has been solved. This is one of the stupidest, most useless perspectives–it being an understandable one doesn’t change this.
In saying this, I’m not telling you to literally give up on these things, to get into some sort of head space where you would be totally fine not having money or a place to live. This perspective is to help cultivate an energy that will make it much easier to allow these elements into your life.
Remember the Universe doesn’t respond to your hatred of your current circumstances, the fears you have about potential outcomes that are undesirable, or your ‘wanting.’ It responds to your energy, and if your energy isn’t a match, it can’t defy that and bring these things anyway, again, just because you want them and their absence is causing emotional turmoil.
Be Willing to Receive All Outcomes
This is another mind fuck, and again, just hear me out. If you believe your energy lies at the root of your life experience, you’ll find that many perspectives that seem ridiculous to your mind actually make a hell of a lot of sense.
Fighting against our current circumstances does nothing for us manifesting-wise. The Universe responds to energy, and that energy just brings more of the same. It closes us off to possibilities, to solutions, to the insights and inspired actions that will help us.
Our desperation to manifest certain things obviously stems from the fear of certain outcomes that make us feel really badly, that our mind thinks are really bad. These things just can’t happen.
Just like we want what we want because we think it will make us feel a way we want to feel, we don’t like what we don’t like, and we don’t want what we don’t want, because these scenarios and experiences makes us feel a way we don’t want to feel.
Everything always boils down to our feelings, no exceptions ever.
One of the best ways to clean up your energy is a willingness to receive all outcomes. A willingness to accept the things you fear worst may happen.
A willingness to believe that maybe those things have to happen in order for you to really make the shifts required of you. A willingness to believe that even if these things happen, it’s still all good and you’ll be okay.
I know there is resistance to doing this because we fear if we are willing to accept these outcomes, that makes them more likely to happen. But the exact opposite is true. This willingness breaks down a ton of energy, the very energy that is perpetuating your current circumstances, and walling off the ‘good’ stuff.
Think about it for a second. All the fear and resistance you are experiencing about the present and the future–how has that been working for you? Doesn’t it make sense to consider another approach?
You might not feel this way all the time, that’s fine. Just the intention to do so can make a huge difference.
What are the things you fear worst about your current situation? What if you made peace with the possibility of it happening? What if you stopped fighting against it, and currently worrying about it? What if you just accepted it as a possibility?
In my experience, lack of resistance to my current circumstances, and possible future circumstances, seemed to be a bigger factor in what showed up in my life, rather than being in some constant high-energy state, rather than constantly focusing on what I wanted, trying to force it from the ethers, all the while lamenting my current state of affairs.
Imagine the energetic weight that would be lifted if you accepted all the things you feared, knowing that they in fact might even benefit you, knowing they might be a crucial part of actually getting what you wanted, knowing that even if they happened, it would still be okay, knowing that whatever feels badly about this is just a story your mind is telling.
Again, can’t stress this enough–resisting your current reality, and future outcomes that you find undesirable, are of absolutely no help to you in this process.
You Have to Take Responsibility
The worse our circumstances, the more external factors at which our mind tends to point the finger. All along the way, we were probably blaming something or someone else, and the list just got bigger and bigger as time went on.
By time we are really in the shit, it is easy to convince ourselves that none of this was our fault, and we are victim of everything from shitty parents to big, bad corporations. We never stood a chance.
Taking responsibility for our life is absolutely crucial to this process, and if you can’t do this, you might as well forget you ever learned about something like the law of attraction or conscious creation, because this knowledge won’t do you a lick of good.
Taking responsibility is not the same as blaming yourself however. This is also absolutely crucial to understand. Personal responsibility is empowering; self-blame will get you nowhere.
You weren’t purposely creating the unwanted. You kind of didn’t know any better. You were instilled with shitty programming, and didn’t know you could change it.
Now that you know, you can do something about it. Isn’t it great to know you can do something about it?
Isn’t it great to know you aren’t a victim of circumstance or that getting what you want is not dependent on the whims, choices and behaviors of anyone else?
Isn’t it great to know that your life is determined by your energy, something of which you have total control?
I always find it kind of insane when people push against this perspective, whether in regards to their own lives or the lives of others, and fight for the shitty perspectives that leave us feeling disempowered and hopeless, that lead us to view certain types of people as incapable of helping themselves.
So are you willing to own your experience? Are you ready to stop blaming whomever or whatever you have been blaming? Are you ready to reclaim your power, and tap into your natural ability to influence your reality?
You Have a Real Opportunity Here
The upside to really challenging circumstances is they give us an opportunity to tap into and explore energies that we might not have willingly. They force us into a space to deal with our deepest, most intense shit.
Having been pushed into this space on more than one occasion, I can personally attest to the life-changing benefit. I won’t lie though–it’s not pleasant by any means.
But if you are willing to drop the resistance to the intense emotion you might experience, in and of itself, you will probably find it quite manageable, even if it is really strong.
The worse our circumstances, the bigger the energy. We tend not to nip things in the bud in earlier stages, and as the energy gets bigger, the manifestations tend to get ‘nastier.’ And we get to a point where we are forced to deal with what is happening internally–we don’t have a choice.
The energy is just too strong and intense to sweep aside as we had been doing previously. You are way past being able to deny your feelings. Things are just too much of a mess, the chaos is just too great, and you can no longer avoid taking a long, hard look–with brutal honesty– at the role you have played in getting to this point.
This is a good thing, it really is.
When you keep in mind the benefit of diving in, and really being with what is happening inside, you experience these emotions very differently than when you are just feeling badly and you think there is nothing you can do about it.
Now, you don’t have to do this. You can choose to just roll your eyes at this sort of perspective, as we are wont to do. You can just keep pushing against what is, hoping and praying the Universe will step in and relieve your misery, hoping that simply wanting what you want will be enough to allow it in.
You can keep buying into your mind’s insane line of reasoning where pushing against what you don’t want, is somehow integral to getting what you do. After all, if you’re no longer miserable, the Universe might think you don’t want what you want anymore. Craziness.
You can try and force what you want through a bunch of actions, and that might get you somewhere, but the results will be lackluster at best, and it doesn’t have to be that hard.
But if you believe that your energy is the true level of ‘cause’ you start to realize that you really can’t avoid this part of the process, especially if things are really falling apart. There is some strong energy there that won’t be overridden by affirmations or a vision board. A pea-sized pile of positivity that you might be able to muster up here and there, laid over a mountain-sized heap of crap just won’t cut it.
The good news is, you don’t need a complete emotional transformation to allow changes in, to activate new possibilities. You just need to allow yourself to start feeling a little better than you do now, and then a bit better from that baseline.
Purging the pent-up emotions you have now–the anger, the fear, the frustration–is key to this gradual shifting. Letting this stuff out makes room for new energies that will serve you much better.
Your Turn
What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? Any advice you would give?
Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it here.
Oh My God Kelly, such an eye opener. I will need to reread this post many times but the thing that really resonated with me is making piece with the worst outcom, I have noticed when I do that things tend to get better.
Hi Tina
Thanks for your comment and I am so glad you enjoyed the post. Isn’t it interesting how that happens? One of those things that wouldn’t make sense to our mind but is absolutely true!
“Everything always boils down to our feelings, no exceptions ever.”
Yesssss . That’s what all we want and like you always said we have access to those feelings all the time. We can feel them anytime. Then things will come quickly.
I loved what you said about accepting outcomes whatever they will be. That leaves you with nothing to lose. And then you feel more good and hopeful that it might turn just the way you wanted.
When my mind starts feeling down or starts controlling something I just totally divert myself from it. I just say it loud that I am fine with whatever it is now and I know answer is coming.
Talking out loud is fun and feels really good ?. No matter how much we practice things we are still going to experience low feeling thoughts here and there and I think that’s ok. And I read this quote somewhere
All things are stuck between mind and matter. So if you don’t ‘mind’ it doesn’t ‘matter’ .
Thank you.
Hi Rhea
The idea of nothing to lose–the sentiment often has a more pessimistic ring to it, but I think it can be very liberating especially when we are talking about our energy. All the resistance we feel to the things we fear, the things we hope don’t happen is very heavy, and dropping that makes a huge difference. Good tip about the talking out loud
Hello Kelli,
Great stuff over here 🙂
This one’s is sure a mind opener for all of us here. Frankly speaking I need to read this post over and over again,
just because I need my self to prepare for things. The life never be always same, sometimes we need to adjust ourself
and sometimes we get more than we wish for.
I remind of my self, when I was small, I got all the luxuries in life. As my father went away, those things were gone.
My mother was all alone and she cant do enough to provide all those facilities which we both were used too.
Yeah in fact she did a lot of things, she brought me up, sent me to good school, provided me the education she always wanted.
Things restore back to normal again.
We need to prepare our self for everything, live in the harsh conditions and even in the comfort too.
Thanks for the share.
Shantanu.
Hi Shantanu
It sounds like you learned a lot from that childhood experience, and gained a lot of wisdom for it. Sometimes things will happen and we won’t like them–our mind will always judge experiences and we all have kinks in our energy, but we can always maintain a perspective that helps us feel better. When we had a hard experience and we got through it, it gives us confidence we can do it again in the future if something were to happen.
As always, good words KC!
Thanks Kameron!
GREAT post Kelli!! Thank you for all you do to further inform us about LOA! You are a blessing!
Thanks so much for your kind words Donna!
Hi Kelli!
Great posting as always!! It truly is freeing once you’re aware when energies pop up -especially those pesky negative ones – to practice ourselves into nipping things in the bud, as you mentioned. Once the momentum starts, it’s so easy to keep it going, almost like a broken record. I love the idea of accepting all outcomes, which could loosen the resistance. I think once we give ourselves the chance to do that, we feel a release from so much angst, which will in turn bring us at least some kind of relief and open us up to solutions to our problems.
Thank you for this!!!
Letty
Hi Letty
Thanks for your comment and glad you enjoyed the post. I like what you said about the relief you feel when you become okay with whatever might happen. Relief is a very powerful energy, and like you said, it creates an opening. Lack of resistance in and of itself without the addition of ‘positive’ emotion attached, can get things moving just as quickly.
Hi again,
I just reread the post and as I was thinking about it, somethings are okay to accept the worst outcome of like maybe having no food or shelter although that still will be dead hard, but others like getting killed by terrorists when you’re at church just because you’re a christian is something I personally fear since I go to church every week not knowing whether I will be back home or not. Also the fear of not figuring out your life because right now I’m stuck at a place for far too long and my life doesn’t want to move forward, I’m getting bored and it frustrates me that I have done this to myself some how.
However, the thing that was most uncomfortable to read again was the possibility that bad things might need to happen in order to grow more, I hate that, I don’t want to have to go through bad things just to make energetic shifts.
Hi Tina
To clarify what I meant there:The bad things don’t inherently HAVE TO happen, but when we resist the energetic shifts we need to make by clinging, refusing to deal with our stuff,etc…it may lead to an energy that leads things to happen that force us to finally deal with what we need to deal with.
You have been commenting on this blog for quite awhile with similar issues and I see a big reluctance to make the choices you want to make deep down–that is understandable because it isn’t always easy, but at some point actions and choices will need to be made on your part. There is a difference between letting our energy aid us in shaping the lives we want and not forcing outcomes through misaligned action, and hoping we don’t have to participate in any way and hopefully the Universe takes care of it all for us. I sense you have been at a crossroads for quite some time,and reaching a point where something needs to change. Don’t fight it anymore.
Yes you’re right. I don’t know what to do. I want to move out of my parents’ house but in the same time I want to live abroad because I’m not comfortable in my country’s culture, I don’t like living here but I don’t have enough money to travel nor can I secure a suitable job for my empath nature either here or abroad. I feel really lost but I’m trying to make myself feel a bit better by doing things I like to do but the momentum never continues. I feel like I’m trying to cover up those bad feeling and I need to do some soul work but don’t know where to start either.
One thing that could really help here: Stop viewing your introversion as a challenge and a negative. It is just going to keep making it harder to align with a job that you would enjoy. You are likely focusing on all the type of jobs you don’t want and like–give some thought to what you would want and like.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post and have bookmarked it! I was struggling a lot with feeling as “high vibe”/”good” as possible and it was causing a ton of anxiety. Once I followed your advice to accept all things I’ve been worrying about, INSTANT RELIEF. It makes so much sense too when picturing what allowing actually is. Thanks, Kelli!
Hey Amy
Thanks so much for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the post. In my experience, the harder I had to try to be and stay happy, the farther away I was currently from that state. That couldn’t be ignored. Making peace is the first step to genuinely changing our energy in real ways. Relief is very powerful energetically and opens up a lot.
I would love to hear your thoughts on detachment when it comes to another person/possible relationship. For instance, what if I am interested in someone who seems interested but isn’t coming in the way I’d like? I’ve read about precursors but that explanation isn’t super satisfying. How do I stay detached while also feeling how I want to feel in the relationship I want? But not feeling those things just so he comes in if that makes sense…it’s all kind of a mind fuck, lol! Anyway, I thought you’d have a good perspective/explanation on this 🙂
Hey Amy
Detachment with relationships is probably one of the most challenging because it is one of the things we want most, therefore lots of fear that it won’t happen. We look to relationships to give us all sorts of stuff that we feeling is missing now, and again, attachment tends to run high. Anytime we attach to specifics–people, jobs,etc…–we are trying to control the ‘how’ of our manifestation. Be open to the purpose this person is serving in your life. Maybe it will progress to something else or maybe it won’t. See how this experience is making you feel, and you’ll get a sense of what this experience may be showing you. Anything that comes into our reality is because it is a match to something in our energy, but just be open to what that something is–might not always be what our mind thinks or WANTS it to mean. If you are interested in this teaching from a relationship angle specifically and you find my content helpful, you might want to check out my manifesting a relationship program since it tackles this topic specifically.
Thanks, Kelli! I will definitely check out that program.
You are very welcome
Great post Kelli. I regularly check your blog to see when there is an updated post and really enjoy them. This one is so helpful. I have always resisted the present because I want to change it but am learning that that is not the best way to deal with it if I want change. Accepting or surrendering to what is does bring that sense of relief and that’s freeing. It’s all a massive work in progress. Thank you for your work. Jane
Hi Jane
Thanks for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the post and found it useful. Our mind is very resistant to making peace with our present–somehow it thinks the energy of wanting is integral to the manifesting process. Also, in our action-oriented paradigm, wanting is the main motivator–we won’t take action unless we are actively wanting a change or to pursue a specific goal–and it doesn’t understand it doesn’t help from an energy perspective. There will be no downside to feeling better currently.
Hi Kelli.
I’ve always heard that when we want to manifest something we have to know that it will appear to the same degree that we know the light will turn on when we flip the switch.
I think I have a better one. In the movie The Secret, Joe Vitale said that the law of attraction makes the Universe like a catalog. We get to pick and choose what we want.
Taking that further, when we choose to manifest something, it’s like ordering it from Amazon (a physical product, not one of Ryan’s e-books). We know it’s going to arrive, so we don’t have to worry about it. The order is placed so we can let it go.
But we chose super-save shipping so we don’t know how long it will take. It could be tomorrow or it could be in 2 weeks. We also don’t know how it will arrive – mail, UPS, a drone? Who knows? And that’s all OK.
What we do know, and what matters, is that we placed the order and that it will arrive in it’s own time and way.
Hi Wayne
Thanks so much for your comment and I love the analogy. The way I have see it, there is no reason for the specific things we want not to happen and it is just a good idea to be open. Maybe it will be that thing, or maybe something better. And for the ‘core’ things like money and relationships, we don’t have to worry we will get some sort of energetic ‘substitute’, they will come too. Once I started focusing on the energy and not specifics, things got a lot easier.
Wonderful post, as always, Kelli. Sometimes I swear you’re speaking to me personally!
I’ve recently been struggling with patience – the same job that I stopped working so many hours for made it mandatory to work the 45 hours to get my same rate of pay again – leaving me really drained and frustrated. I almost thought I was being punished somehow, but I know that doesn’t make sense energetically.
Then, I realized there is some reason for me being in this situation, something I need to learn. So I’m focusing on keeping my energy up and positive while I wait to see what happens. While my business has not taken off at all financially, making it unfeasible to leave my job, I know I have to trust the Universe to show me the way.
I’m willing to accept whatever outcome awaits me for the highest good. But sometimes I have to remind myself to be grateful and just trust that good is coming.
Thanks,
Jeannie
Hi Jeannie
Thanks for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the post. It sounds like you are really aligning with what you want, and focusing on that, with a willingness to look beyond your current circumstances. That really is the linchpin and something we have a hard time doing, which results in a slower shift in energy naturally. I would also say that be open to the idea that your current business taking off isn’t the only path to leaving your job now. You might find another source of income that does the trick that you can do on the side or whatever or you may get another job as a stepping stone.
Theres something I am confused about and I hope you can clarify for me.
Do you still need to act as though you already have what you want and know its already coming, but also still being okay with all outcomes? If so, how do you think both of these things at the same time? I hope you understand what I am asking and that you are able to reply. Thank you!
Hi Sam
Sorry for the delayed response. The main thing I would say about acting ‘as if’ is you might find it more helpful to not try and feel pressure to feel exactly like you have what you want when you clearly don’t but the work on stepping into that nice feeling that comes with thinking ‘what if’ What if the money or job was coming? What if you knew everything would work out no matter what things look like now? That energy may be easier to inhabit and simultaneously allows you to be cool with all outcomes–because no matter what happens and how your mind judges it, you know it will work out.
I often get things when I’ve stopped caring because it no longer feels worth the time and effort I’ve put in. Then, when I get it, because I really did let go and stop caring, I don’t enjoy it. It’s just “there”.
Ah yes, that lovely thing that happens…we get what we want so bad, and emotionally…nada. We start to see the absence of the ‘thing’ was NEVER the real reason we were unhappy so getting it won’t do much beyond some temporary feeling and boost to our ego that we ‘succeeded’ and got the Universe to bend to our will. It’s okay to want the things but if we clean up our energy first and stop wanting them from a space of ‘need’ and just because it is something we want to experience here as a human, we tend to enjoy the stuff once it shows up much more.