Serenity Now: Creating Peace in Everyday Life Part 1

Who wouldn’t like to achieve a greater sense of peace in their lives? All that emotional turmoil that gets roiled up during our waking hours is unpleasant to say the least. We all have our own personal triggers that continue to bait us day after day. Then there is all the crap that happens without any warning, the things we don’t see coming a mile away, and can’t possibly plan for. And when those shit storms hit the shore, lord help us.

I got an amazing massage the other day, and if you have ever indulged yourself, you know that delicious feeling right after it’s over. You are totally relaxed, your mind is quieted and all is right with the world. I told Ryan that if I could feel like that every second of the day, nothing could ever get me down. He said if I felt it all the time, I would lose appreciation for it, and I guess to some degree it’s true. But, it’s a risk I’d be willing to take.

One of the things that first drew me to seriously start working on myself was a desire to just create a greater sense of peace in my life. I wasn’t necessarily looking for a way to get rid of all my ‘problems’ or become some spiritual master. I just wanted to find a way to get through my waking hours with less stress, worry, anxiety and all the other yuck.

I just wanted to feel happier and more comfortable in my skin; more at ease and less on edge. I was a chronic worrier and I was so sick of being like that—to say it’s exhausting is an understatement. I would notice all the mental craziness was actually affecting me physically—my energy levels plummeted and my body just felt heavy.

Over the years, I have managed to create a greater sense of peace. And you can too. But it is important to remember a few points. Cultivating a sense of peace in our lives is not about feeling good all the time so don’t make that the goal; it’s not contingent on ‘fixing’ all of our issues. It is not about trying to shield ourselves from adversity. Inner peace isn’t reserved for people who have been untouched by difficult circumstances. We have to make a conscious choice to let it into our experience, and engage in ‘strategies’ that nurture and strengthen it.

When I came up with the points I wanted to cover, I realized putting it all in one post would be too long, so I decided to break it down into parts. And for your reading pleasure, here is part one on my little tutorial for getting a bit of serenity now….

Remember the Power of Perspective

No matter what we are experiencing in any given moment, we have this amazing power to choose how we view what is happening, how to respond, and how to feel about it. Two people could experience the same exact situation, and have completely different reactions—like an incorrect bus schedule in Costa Rica leaving me to want to punch someone in the face because I’m hot and cranky, while Ryan stays cool as a cucumber with a ‘what are you gonna do’ shrug and a smile—which leaves me feeling like it’s his face I want to punch. Don’t worry, I say this type of stuff right to him, and it’s all good. He knows I love him dearly.

Perspective is the reason why one person touched by unimaginable tragedy can go on to do the most amazing things in life, while another can go down a path of complete self-destruction. Exercising this power of perspective though, can take a bit of work; how we respond to situations not to our liking is deeply ingrained, and our behavior is largely based on habit. We are really not thinking much, just reacting. The emotion overtakes us, and we just run with it.

You will be happy to know, however, that reading a blog post like this is all you need to do to start changing. Awareness is the first step in making positive change. The idea of perspective has been planted into your mind, and the next time you find yourself getting upset about something, maybe you will remember that. You probably won’t remember every time and that’s okay. I don’t either.

There are so many little things that happen in our lives that can really get to us, and when you add them all up, it can result in big-time discord. If we can learn to view these situations more for what they really are, rather than huge issues, our days will go much more smoothly.

If You Have Nothing Nice to Say….

Our words are powerful, and can profoundly affect our state of mind and how we feel. When we are gossiping ,or talking badly about other people, we are creating a lot of discord internally. On a surface level, it may seem like the opposite is happening, but trust me.

Focusing on other people’s problems may make us feel better about our own lives. If we are harboring jealousy towards someone else, picking them apart or pointing out the ‘bad’ things about him may quell that a bit. But, if you really tune into how you feel when you are having these types of conversations, you will notice it’s not so great.

The desire to engage in this behavior is stemming from our unhappiness with some aspect of our life, and this unhappiness, in its various forms, takes center stage during these conversations; this negative talk feeds it. And, for a lot of us, we kind of feel badly afterwards for engaging in this low-energy activity do we not?

Then there may be worry what you said will get back to this person, and I’m willing to bet most, if not all, of what was said would not be something you would readily say to her face. All of this certainly will not do much for creating more peace in our lives.

After you read this, I suggest you try a little experiment. Challenge yourself to go 24 hours without gossiping or talking badly about someone else. It might be a bit tough, but it can be done. You will be amazed to see the effect it has on you, and how it is an integral part of creating a more peaceful life.

And once you have seen the power for yourself, you will make an effort to disengage from this type of talk more often. The thrill of trash talk, and focusing on the woes of others to take the spotlight off your own, will begin to wane, and you won’t derive as much satisfaction from it.

Stop Being an Ungrateful Tool

Chances are, most of you reading this have it pretty good. You grew up in a politically stable, safe country rife with opportunity and abundance. You got an education, you have a decent job. Maybe you take a vacation or two every year. You have a house and food on the table. There are lots of people that don’t have these things, things we totally take for granted. If they were to ever get taken away from us, we would be in for quite the rude awakening.

Now, does this mean you can’t want more out of life? No. Should you be happy with the bare minimum so long as you are surviving? No. Does this mean you should feel extremely guilty that your main concerns in life are finding a way to increase your financial abundance, or fulfill your dream of traveling the world, when there are people who are starving, being victimized by brutal regimes or are in the midst of civil war? No.

What it does mean, is you will find much greater peace in life if you can learn to tune into all that is great about it, including the little things, or the things that we take for granted because they are expected given the part of the world into which you were born.

Much of our emotional turmoil stems from the very bad habit we have of zeroing in on what we don’t have or don’t like about our lives. It takes very little effort for negative feelings to rise to the surface, and focus our attention to what is ‘lacking.’

I know how difficult it can be—our negative feelings are very strong, and it is easy to let them dominate. But, we don’t have to be at their mercy. One of the best ways to get them to loosen their grip on us is to shift our attention to what is good in our life. When we move our minds here, we feel more at peace with how things are in the moment, even the things we may not like.

We adopt a more positive perspective, and feel more optimistic that things will improve. In this better state of mind, we become more receptive to the wisdom that resides deep within us, and the solutions to our problems will become more apparent.

We need to stop being ungrateful tools; we have to consciously choose to focus on the good things, and express sincere appreciation for them. Our poor track record with gratitude does not stem from us being major a-holes (well, maybe some people), rather from the deeply ingrained tendency to focus on what’s wrong. But, we can change that, and with this change comes greater peace each and every day.

Hope you enjoyed the first three tips..stay tuned for part two on Wednesday!