Sometimes people write to me with questions that I use as an inspiration for a blog post. This time I decided to just post the exact response I wrote to her…I am sure a lot of people can relate to what she is experiencing.
Hi Kelli –
I am going through a lot financially. I have a lot of credit card debt. I’m paying it off but it leaves me with little money. I am in constant fear that an emergency is going to come and I can’t pay for it. Because my debt was consolidated and discharged it is now considered income. I don’t have all my documents for my taxes but I will be paying a sizable tax bill.
I have been in debt all my life. I have struggled to understand financial stuff, have had issues with impulse spending, living beyond my means and always worrying whether I have enough to pay bills. It scares me. I hate it.
Security is huge with me. I have been struggling to build my bank accounts but I have a couple hundred bucks in my accounts. I make a decent salary but with paying things off things are tight.
How can you calm your mind to change your thoughts? Literally how to calm the little gerbil in my head running its little head off in my brain?
Thanks for this. I know from listening that I need to change my thoughts and be detached but crap its hard when I’m so friggin scared.
Hey…
Your writing this email actually represents a significant step in the right direction. You are honestly expressing how you feel, acknowledging the fear, the frustration, the specific scenarios which trouble you, like being unprepared for a financial emergency.
Money is a big one for us because of the importance it appears to play in the world of ‘form.’ Of the many feelings we crave on the deepest level, ‘safety’ is one of them, and financial problems in particular can make us feel extremely ‘unsafe.
That you recognize what you seek from financial security on the deepest levels is important because we start to see that it isn’t actually truly about the money. And realizing that, it helps us get into a more neutral space about what the ego mind sees as the true source of our problem–the external circumstance.
The money just happens to represent a channel through which we believe that feeling of ‘security’ will come. Switching to this mode of thinking more genuinely and consistently–it doesn’t have to be all the time– takes some effort though since the importance that money appears to play in our lives seems to justify our extreme fear and preoccupation around our financial issues. We will fight very hard for that fear and anxiety because it seems like the only natural response, and in that frame of mind, there really isn’t a genuine willingness to change our thinking because that way of thinking seems ‘right’ even if it causes us great suffering.
The one thing that is important to remember about changing our thinking is that our energetic/emotional goals don’t make sense to the logical mind, so when these other perspectives pass through that filter, a huge amount of resistance goes up and we reject them.
For example, an idea that who we truly are really doesn’t need money would represent a very beneficial shift in our emotional state but the ego would reject that idea right away because we do appear to truly need money, and so we continue to hold onto a bad feeling perspective. The point of making such a shift is to feel better, not to literally reject the idea of money and trying to find a way to live without it in a world where it appears very necessary.
It is also important to remember that this ‘work’ may also involve ‘non-spiritual’ components of basic actions that may benefit us in the moment emotionally, that give us a sense of greater control over the situation, that may cut down on some of the external sources of resistance that make it feel more difficult to make the inner shifts.
When talking about money for example, we might also consider if there are any changes we can make right now that would help our financial situation like making a budget or cutting back on unnecessary spending. If you know you may have issues with your taxes, it might feel really uncomfortable to get in touch with the IRS but there is a good chance if you speak to them they may be able to help you work out some sort of payment plan that fits your budget.
I imagine if you did some sort of program to consolidate your debt, there is a good chance you are locked into a specific minimum payment amount. But if not, it might feel a bit better to pay a bit less towards the debt and pad your savings a bit.
You also want to focus a bit on some aspects of the situation where you can feel a bit of gratitude. I know it is a sucky feeling to have to put most of the money towards the debt, but that you have a decent salary that allows you to pay it off and tend to your other basic needs puts you in a better position than a lot of other people with debt issues.
It is good that you recognize where you may have contributed to the issue–impulse spending, living beyond your means–because taking responsibility is empowering. Just be sure not to move into the territory of blaming yourself–that is a very different thing and won’t help.
Really getting in touch with the fears and other feelings with a genuine intention of transforming it is a very different situation than just feeling all these feelings and not having any alternative interpretation of what is happening to counter them–the latter is what most people experience. So just be willing to let that stuff up, be willing to have your mind changed about it.
If you are interested, there is one exercise I would recommend that I have found more helpful than anything, and it is merely just writing out what is in your mind about this without any sort of filter or judgment. Write down everything you are feeling, everything you fear, everything this situation makes you feel about yourself. When you really get into an exercise like this, you may find you have written pages of stuff and that act of getting it out of your head with the intention of letting this stuff go is very very powerful.
Have a question and would like my two cents? Shoot me an email at kellicooper1102@gmail.com. Would love to hear from you!
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