{"id":1569,"date":"2014-12-22T11:46:32","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T16:46:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/blog\/?p=1569"},"modified":"2021-08-02T06:38:50","modified_gmt":"2021-08-02T06:38:50","slug":"figuring-out-what-you-want","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/figuring-out-what-you-want\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Tips for Figuring Out What You Want When You Feel Like You Haven’t a Freaking Clue"},"content":{"rendered":"

Are you one of those people who is crystal clear on what you don’t like and don’t want, but feel a bit stymied when it comes to figuring out what you do? Well, you’re certainly not alone on that one, so don’t feel too badly about it. We have a lot of practice thinking about what we don’t like, a lot of crappy beliefs that make us think all sorts of disempowering thoughts, and cause us not to expect much out of life, and a limited view of ourselves that really gets in the way big time.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are hoping to take things in a different direction, but not sure about said direction, here are three tips that I think will help get things moving and provide the clarity you so desire.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be Honest about What Isn’t Working for You Right Now<\/span><\/h2>\n

This can be a bit uncomfortable because we go to great lengths to avoid our negative emotions. We may have invested a lot of time, money and energy into our current way of being, and to admit that it is isn’t working for us can be very, very tough. We fear changing paths now would mean everything up until this point was a giant waste of time.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is highly disorienting when we discover things are not as they seem, relationships and people aren’t what we thought they were, and that we don’t want all the things that we may have thought we did. Depending on how far removed you are from what you truly want and who you truly want to be, it can appear you were living one giant, fat lie.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, if you are not feeling great right now, and you want to change, but are not quite sure what it is you want exactly, this is an unavoidable step.<\/span><\/p>\n

The simple act of admitting what we don’t like right now, and where we are struggling, is extremely powerful because in that very moment, things begin to change so long as we keep moving, and don’t decide to remain stagnant. You need to create some space energetically for some good stuff, and for the ideas and inspirations that will help you navigate the changes you hope to make, and admitting where we are right now accomplishes that.<\/span><\/p>\n

One one hand, this sucks big time because you may feel really really crappy, but on the other hand, it will feel liberating. This initial discomfort is the worst of it, and from this point on, things will ease up as you start being more honest with yourself and have greater clarity about what it is you want.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lots of different emotions will probably come up, and your first instinct will be to suppress them, but resist it. Let yourself feel them. They have been stuck in you for a long time, and festering. This purge is kind of yucky in the moment, but ultimately, highly beneficial. Embracing what we are feeling now is the first step in the process of releasing what no longer serves us and transforming our inner world.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don’t Worry about Figuring Out Your Whole Life Right This Second<\/span><\/h2>\n

There is this idea that at some point, we are supposed to have our whole lives ‘figured out,’and settle into some permanent version of ourselves. And this premise causes us a whole lot of suffering. We feel compelled to achieve some state of absolute certainty as we navigate through life. We stress about finding the career that we will do for decades to come. We feel compelled to develop a rigid set of beliefs that will guide every decision until we die.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is no way to be\u2014we are here to grow, evolve and create. This means over time, things will change, including us, what we value and what we want out of life. We are not meant to craft some set identity that is never to be altered. We don’t have to just be one way, or do the same thing always. Nothing has to be permanent.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, don’t feel like the decisions you are faced with now have to dictate your life 10 years down the line, or even just one year from now. It is okay if you feel uncertain about the big picture..you don’t need to figure that out right now. You just want to focus on immediate steps you can take that will make you feel better, more in control of your reality and are in line with what you value at this exact moment in time. <\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe things will remain the same for years to come, or maybe you will have a whole bunch of experiences that will alter you in ways you can’t see now, and will put you on a completely different trajectory. Don’t worry about it now, it doesn’t matter now. Let your feelings and intuition guide you. Do what creates better feeling feelings like relief, excitement, hope and happiness.<\/span><\/p>\n

You can choose who you want to be, and over time, you will find yourself compelled to make different choices than ones you made at a different point in your life. That is normal and it is a good thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don’t be afraid to totally break the current mold and go off in a completely different direction. Don’t be afraid to become someone else if the current version of yourself is not really working for you anymore. Don’t hold onto what is no longer working because you think releasing it means it was all for naught or a waste\u2014you learned plenty and you are simply moving on. Just focus on now, and don’t worry about the implications of your current decisions for the future. You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you honor where you are now, follow your intuition and just do your best to live in the moment, the most amazing things will start to happen, and you’ll start feeling a lot better. And that is all you really want anyway. Everything will be okay no matter what results from the choice you make now because it will all serve you positively and help you fine tune your vision as time goes on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let Your Desires Surface without Regard to the Current State of Your Life<\/span><\/h2>\n

I know I have mentioned this a few times before, but it bears repeating. When I first decided I wanted to live my location-independent, globetrotting lifestyle<\/a>, my life was a big, old mess. There was not one freaking thing that would suggest that sort of existence was even a remote possibility.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was depressed, anxious, grieving my father’s death, hugely in debt, barely making any money, and incredibly lost. At the time, my personal development work was very sporadic, and a lot of the wisdom I had gained was buried under a big pile of crap, and largely inaccessible to me.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, it wasn’t completely inaccessible, and that part of me that knew things could be better, and things didn’t have to be this way, was still alive and kicking, even if weakened greatly by my current reality. So, I wrote out a list one day of all the things I wanted, without any censoring or modifying.<\/span><\/p>\n

The current framework of my life did not come into play at all\u2014if it did, this list would have been a lot less ambitious, and probably a bit sad, considering all that is truly possible for us.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here’s the thing\u2014what we think is possible for us is an infinitesimal fraction of what is actually possible for us. Our current belief system places all sorts of limits that actually don’t exist anywhere except our minds. We play really small when we don’t have to.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first step in breaking this mold is letting our true desires shine forth, letting ourselves want bigger and better things. I’ll tell you something– as confused as you may feel right now as to what you want, you probably have a better idea than you think, but it stays buried because you probably think you can’t have it based on what your life has been like up until this point. You don’t let yourself want something because then you don’t have to worry about activating the fear of not getting it, or experiencing the disappointment if it doesn’t work out.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, bust out a piece of paper and write down all the things you want\u2014if it helps, you might start off with a list of things you don’t want and like in your life right now ,to use as a springboard to figuring out what you do. Write down anything that comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be just things like money, jobs or relationships\u2014it can be certain feelings you want to experience on a regular basis, like fulfillment, peace or unconditional love, or personality traits or habits you wish to cultivate. Use this list not just for specific goals,but for more intentions about your general life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Like I did, don’t censor or modify based on what you think you can get from where you are now\u2014where you are now doesn’t matter one tiny bit as far as what is possible for the future is concerned. Don’t make any judgments about what is coming to mind, just write down whatever comes. This exercise is very helpful in shifting your focus to more positive things, which is something we don’t have a lot of experience doing, unfortunately.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Just let whatever comes up come up, and get it down on paper. You may find some of the stuff is obvious, while other things may surprise you and give you some great insights into shaping your reality and the next steps to take.<\/span><\/p>\n

In Closing…<\/span><\/h2>\n

Know that whatever discomfort you are experiencing now can be eased by simply admitting what is happening internally with you now that you’re not really loving, and just giving some deliberate thought to your more ideal reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

This deliberate focus on what we want sounds obvious and is painfully simple, but interestingly, something that we just don’t do, like EVER. At some point, we made some pretty weird decisions that produced the end result of neglecting our happiness and never actually thinking about what we do want, and what would make us happy. We are a bunch of weirdos. But, it doesn’t have to keep being this way. We can make a fresh start at any moment we choose, with choose being the operative word. It all comes down to making different decisions than the ones we have been making up until this point.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your Turn…<\/span><\/h2>\n

What did you think of this post? What tip resonated with you the most? What have you decided you want in your life, and what are you doing to get it? Do you have any tips for gaining clarity about our path that you would like to share with other readers? What obstacles are you facing and how are you overcoming them?<\/span><\/p>\n

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone happy holidays, whichever ones you are celebrating. I may or may not have my Wednesday post..but, if not, I’l be back on Friday for sure.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you one of those people who is crystal clear on what you don’t like and don’t want, but feel a bit stymied when it comes to figuring out what you do? Well, you’re certainly not alone on that one, so don’t feel too badly about it. We have a lot of practice thinking about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10938,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,8],"tags":[35,30,48,6],"class_list":["post-1569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness","category-living-your-dream","tag-choice","tag-clarity","tag-decision","tag-happiness-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1569"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10938"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}