{"id":1562,"date":"2014-12-19T09:46:41","date_gmt":"2014-12-19T14:46:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/blog\/?p=1562"},"modified":"2021-08-02T06:39:32","modified_gmt":"2021-08-02T06:39:32","slug":"doing-bad-stuff-cant-stop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/doing-bad-stuff-cant-stop\/","title":{"rendered":"When You Keep Doing Stuff You Know is Bad for You and Just Can’t Seem to Stop…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I once read somewhere that us humans were cute but dumb. I really resonated with that statement because it is kind of true when you think about it. We inflict all sorts of suffering on ourselves. But, I guess it is all part and parcel of the experience we are here to have…we go through stuff, learn lessons, use pain as a springboard to happiness, get wiser and all that jazz.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, that is the key to remember\u2014we can get through things, we can break free of the bad habits, stop doing the things that are hurting us. We can be happy. We are never destined to suffer, live out our days in a way we simply don’t want to, or be ‘stuck’ forever.<\/span><\/p>\n

We do all sorts of things that are hurting us in some way, and clearly knowing they are bad ,and we need to stop is not enough, or we just would. In theory, we can make this change that quickly, but in practice, we probably have to do a bit of work.<\/span><\/p>\n

We have all sorts of ‘stuff’ in our subconscious minds that is screwing with us. A thick mish mash of limiting beliefs about ourselves, erroneous conclusions, bad decisions we made long ago about what life is supposed to be like, and a bunch of other ‘yuck’ that keeps us unhappy in one way or another.<\/span><\/p>\n

And as a result, we have a very hard time letting go of the things that are bad and making us unhappy, whether it is the excessive drinking, overeating or people that continually manage to hurl hurt and disrespect our way.<\/span><\/p>\n

We may try to turn things around, but it just never seems to stick, and so the suffering continues. We wrongly believe that we are incapable of changing, which just makes us suffer even more. Nothing will make us feel more badly than believing a better path will never open up to us.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, if you are currently doing stuff you no longer want to be doing, but can’t seem to make the necessary changes and decisions, this post’s for you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lack of Self-Love and Respect<\/span><\/h2>\n

Talk about loving ourselves tends to get an interesting response from people. It often elicits a lot of eye rolls; it often feels a bit lovey-dovey hippy-dippy, and that turns people off and may even make them a bit uncomfortable. It sounds corny.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, lack of love and respect for ourselves is always<\/b><\/i> at the root of these sorts of issues. When we truly love and respect ourselves, we would never abuse our bodies, do things that caused us pain or let other people abuse us in any way.<\/span><\/p>\n

For many of us, our conscious minds would reject the idea that we don’t love and respect ourselves\u2014of course we do, we would say. The degree to which we lack this love and respect can vary greatly among us, and for the average person, it is probably a bit more subtle, not glaringly obvious.<\/span><\/p>\n

You don’t outright loathe yourself, nor are you involved in situations that scream self-hatred. But if you are struggling with giving up things that you know are bad for you, extracting yourself from situations that you know are harming you, or breaking free from people whom you know you should not be involved with, then you are suffering from this malady to some extent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, that subconscious mind of ours is quite interesting, and lots of stuff going on down there that our conscious minds would deem nonsense. But this part of us, which has simply recorded every memory, experience, feeling and what have you, holds all sorts of strange beliefs of not being good enough, of not deserving good things, of us being defective in various ways. And this manifests as us doing things that make us unhappy, things that we know we don’t want to do, but can’t seem to stop.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, you want to ask yourself some questions ‘Why don’t you love and respect yourself?’ Why do you think you deserve to suffer in this way?’ ‘Why don’t you think you deserve to be happy, healthy, whole and receive all sorts of good things?’<\/span><\/p>\n

The sheer fact you exist on this planet makes you worthy of all sorts of good, it entitles you to a happy existence. You deserve love and respect. It is okay to love yourself and want the best for yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

This Current Situation is Serving You in Some Way<\/span><\/h2>\n

This is something I have talked about before, and I have to bring it up here again because it is something that may take a bit to truly sink in. If we have yet to give up something causing us suffering in some way, it is because we are receiving some sort of benefit. We are being served in some way, and getting something we want.<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, to our conscious mind, this seems a bit silly. Why in the hell would we choose to do things that make us unhappy? Again\u2014subconscious mind, jacked up beliefs, erroneous conclusions, so on and so forth.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you can accept this premise, you are well on your way to breaking free my friend, so I implore you not to dismiss this as nonsense or the vicious cycle will continue. Only when we figure out how we are being served, can we begin to shift the beliefs that are making us do a whole bunch of stuff that is making us miserable.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it possible you are addicted to the drama ,and the emotional highs and lows,that come with your involvement with someone who is constantly coming into and out of your life, and refuses to give you the commitment you so want from him? Or is it perhaps,loving the idea of a challenge and trying to solve the puzzle which is this person?<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it possible you are failing at your weight loss efforts because those excess pounds are the perfect scapegoat for why you don’t have the things you want, and it protects you from facing the deep that is actually contributing to these problems, which is that you are unworthy and not good enough? As long as the weight is there, you are safe from having to examine that more deeply.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it possible you are reluctant to change your ways now because you worry you will no longer be compatible with your partner or friends?<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are willing to give this one some thought and be honest with yourself, you will have found a major piece of the self-sabotage puzzle.<\/span><\/p>\n

WHY Do You Want to Change the Way Things are Now?<\/span><\/h2>\n

No matter why you want to stop doing whatever it is you are doing now, or what more desirable situation you hope to create<\/a>, at the core is a desire to feel good and be happy. You want to lose the weight to feel more confident or improve your health. You want to let go of the toxic relationship so you can begin repairing your damaged self-esteem or make room for someone deserving to come into your life. These are the types of things that would come to you right off the top of your head if asked why you want things to be different.<\/span><\/p>\n

These are all good reasons, and a good starting point, but to really make the changes you want to make, and let go of what is dragging you down now, you have to go a lot deeper than this. You have to define your ‘why’ down to the core of yourself. You have to identify the core values and desires that are driving you. Clarifying your ‘why’ to this degree is absolutely necessary to make any sort of lasting, significant change. It will anchor us to our desired outcomes, and keep us on track. When we identify these core drivers, we gain a level of clarity that makes it much easier to discard anything that doesn’t support us in getting exactly what we want. This clarity makes us unwilling to settle for anything less.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, bust out a piece of paper and write down all the reasons you want whatever it is you want and why you want to stop doing the things that are harming you. Then write down why you want all of those things, and then all of those things. Keep going until you feel like you can’t go anymore. You have now identified your ‘why’ at the deepest level. This is a simple, yet extremely powerful exercise.<\/span><\/p>\n

In Closing….<\/span><\/h2>\n

No matter what is happening right now, and how hopeless you may feel in your ability to change things, you certainly can. We are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. You just have to get off auto-pilot,and give some deliberate thought to what is happening right now, and what is driving your current behavior. What I wrote here will be very useful in helping you do that.<\/span><\/p>\n

The suffering doesn’t have to continue. You just have to decide that from here on out, things will be different. That is all it really takes. Sure, you may have some stops and starts along the way, but just commit to getting back on the horse. Don’t beat yourself up, just keep at it. Whatever is holding you back now is of the mind, which can always be changed, not some immutable aspect of yourself encoded in your DNA. The idea that people can’t change is a load of crap, and don’t ever buy into such a limiting, disempowering belief. The whole purpose of our life here is to grow and evolve, but it won’t happen passively, we have to be an active participant.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your Turn…<\/span><\/h2>\n

What did you think of this post? Any ah-ha moments about your own life while reading? Anything resonate with you in particular? What are you struggling to give up right now? What tips would you give to other people that are helping you? Looking forward to your thoughts and having a nice chat!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I once read somewhere that us humans were cute but dumb. I really resonated with that statement because it is kind of true when you think about it. We inflict all sorts of suffering on ourselves. But, I guess it is all part and parcel of the experience we are here to have…we go through […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10981,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[4,92,93],"class_list":["post-1562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-making-positive-changes","tag-change","tag-self-sabotage","tag-suffering"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1562"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1562\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10981"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}