{"id":12283,"date":"2023-09-18T04:05:38","date_gmt":"2023-09-18T04:05:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/?p=12283"},"modified":"2023-09-18T16:51:19","modified_gmt":"2023-09-18T16:51:19","slug":"understanding-external-changes-wont-make-you-happy-doesnt-mean-not-changing-anything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/understanding-external-changes-wont-make-you-happy-doesnt-mean-not-changing-anything\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding External Changes Won\u2019t Make You Happy Doesn\u2019t Mean Not Changing Anything"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi Kelli<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

You talk about the external not bringing you internal happiness, etc but what if your physical environment affects your state of well being and you just know that making changes will improve your state of mind and thinking?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That our circumstances do not dictate our feelings, but rather the narrative the mind has weaved about them\u2013which is in our total power to change\u2013is one of the most freeing ideas there is, provided we\u2019re open to it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0If you were to think about every bad feeling you have, and why you think you have it, the cause will always be external\u2013your finances, your relationship status, what your body looks like, where you live, your job, your family, the government\u2026the list could go on and on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That our well-being seems so at the mercy of all these external factors does not feel good at all since we can probably do little about most of these factors. So imagine a point of view that would free you from such a heavy, disempowering, depressing, fearful idea? Imagine the emotional freedom you would experience\u2026the sweetest kind of freedom there is, perhaps the only true kind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But even though this would seem to be a very welcome change of mind, we feel a lot of resistance to this idea. In our current frame of mind, it may seem very untrue. It would be nice if it were true, but we have our doubts.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The part of us that is very attached to certain external changes and particular outcomes does not like the idea of us embracing any point of view that would interfere with those changes coming to fruition, that would lead you to give up on those things happening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the paradigm where we believe action is the level of \u2018cause\u2019 in creating change in our life, the egoic mind relies heavily on our negative feelings about our current state of affairs to motivate us to do whatever it believes we need to do to change these situations. So any change in thinking that would lend itself to reducing those feelings will not be welcome. This part of the mind erroneously believes \u2019no pain no gain.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

But when we think of changing our lives by way of inner transformation\u2013changing our vibe, changing our belief system\u2013we see these negative feelings and the beliefs creating them aren\u2019t helpful to say the least.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The shifts in thinking we are being asked to make will lend themselves very nicely to the changes our human\/ego mind may be seeking, but that part of our mind doesn\u2019t realize this. These new perceptions seem at odds with its goals, thus the huge amount of resistance to embracing the \u2018spirit thought system\u2019 thoughts as I like to call them, in a genuine way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So it is important to remind yourself that realizing that changing your circumstances won\u2019t make you happy doesn\u2019t mean giving up on changing your circumstances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Embracing this freeing, empowering truth on deeper emotional levels\u2013not just intellectually\u2013doesn\u2019t mean keeping everything as it is now and finding a way to feel okay about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Surrendering to your current state of affairs does not mean resigning yourself to them. It simply means you are no longer erroneously defining the problem as external to you rather than within your own mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

Energetic Goals Don\u2019t Make Sense to the Mind<\/span><\/h4>\n

While we are primarily interested in personal growth teachings, and teachings like the law of attraction in particular, because we want to change our external circumstances and reach external goals, the real goal of studying all this wisdom is emotional change. We are trying to change our internal world, our belief system, our feeling state.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If terms like \u2018energy\u2019 and \u2018vibration\u2019 are just fancy words for feelings, then we see the importance of changing our emotional state in a real, genuine, lasting, consistent way\u2013not just surface level changes in the moment to get something we want in the moment\u2013to create genuine, lasting, consistent change in our lives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So if the goal is emotional change and this emotional change is what will usher in more desirable external change, which belief will be better to believe?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Belief A<\/em>: Your circumstances don\u2019t dictate your feelings and you can feel better at any moment simply by working on what is happening in your mind? <\/span><\/p>\n

Belief B: <\/em>Your circumstances do dictate your feelings and you know you can only feel better if X thing happens, or Y situation or person changes somehow.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Believing the latter does not make the things you want to happen more likely because that belief feels really badly. That belief keeps you focused on the things in your life you don\u2019t like now, it strengthens whatever beliefs you hold now that lend themselves to the circumstances being the way they are now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And the more credence we give to the second one, the more we activate the negative feelings that belief makes us feel. And such is the vicious cycle in which we find ourselves when we don\u2019t go within our minds and see what is happening there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s like the idea that who we really are doesn\u2019t need any money and is whole and complete as is. This is a really good feeling idea.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But the ego mind comes along and craps all over it because it sounds like nonsense. Your human body self very much appears to need money. But again, these emotional goals do not make sense to this part of the mind<\/em> and it doesn\u2019t realize how helpful they are to meeting its wants and needs.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So again, keeping in mind that terms like \u2018energy\u2019 and \u2018vibration\u2019 are just fancy words for feelings, what do you think it does to your \u2018manifesting potential\u2019 when you\u00a0 insist on clinging to the belief that you do<\/em> need money, and because of how much you do need it, all the horrible feelings that come from not having enough are totally justified,<\/em> and you get to feel all those feelings until<\/em> you get more money?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you were to reflect on your mode of operating up until this point, does it seem like believing the egoic beliefs have served you?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Has believing that your circumstances do dictate your feelings and things must change in very particular ways for you to feel better seemed to have helped things change?<\/span><\/p>\n

Has your insistence that all your fear about your lack of money or some other thing missing in your life is justified to feel seemed to have helped you bring these things into your life?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I imagine the answer would be a big fat \u2018NO.\u2019 And if how we are operating now doesn’t seem to be working, it just makes good sense to be open to doing things differently.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember that the emotional goals you are trying to achieve will not make sense to the mind, that it will see them as being at complete odds with its external goals it has set. But nothing could be further from the truth. The better you feel, the more easily your life will change. The less you feel that sense of \u2018need\u2019 and \u2018wanting\u2019 around certain desires, the more easily you can receive them. This more relaxed attitude creates a more harmonious relationship with action, which is typically a great source of tension for many people.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The feeling state you achieve with a heartier embrace of the \u2018spirit\u2019 thought system will serve you very well. All your egoic human needs and wants being met is a natural byproduct of this inner work. Focusing on the inside does not mean abandoning the outside. Your mind sees a false choice, and this\u00a0 erroneous belief in particular causes us a lot of problems.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

If your emotional state, your frame of mind, is the level of \u2018cause,\u2019 making significant change there has no choice<\/em> but to lead to positive changes in all aspects of your life situation, from your relationships to your health to your finances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Spirit gets our world here, it gets our investment in it, it knows what we believe we need, and it can easily deliver on all fronts. But it can help us a lot more easily when we are more energetically receptive to that assistance.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We need to create an opening, and the only way to create that opening is to change our thinking, and give up fighting for all the bad feeling beliefs that throw up those energetic barriers.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We Have Preferences and It Is Fine<\/span><\/h4>\n

Unless you are some sort of ascetic or monk living the simplest life devoid of all worldly trappings, you probably have all sorts of preferences from the types of food you like to eat,\u00a0 to what type of weather you prefer, to the home decor you find most pleasing.<\/span><\/p>\n

None of it is a problem, but as many of you have probably seen, when we have strong preferences, and our external circumstances don\u2019t mold to said preferences, we suffer emotionally, sometimes mildly, sometimes not so mildly. So recognizing we don\u2019t need things to be a particular way to truly be happy will serve us well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, we can have our preferences but we want to keep this in mind. There is no reason that things can\u2019t turn out the way we would prefer, but if things aren\u2019t the way we prefer at the moment, this isn\u2019t the true cause of our emotional discord.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I once heard our personality self and its preferences described as a neutral expression of consciousness, and all of this only becomes a problem when ego gets involved–the upset when the preferences aren’t met, the insistence things must be a certain way, the rigidity, the desire to control, the false belief our happiness lies somewhere outside of us, etc. I thought this was a great way to look at it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Because most of us strongly believe our external circumstances affect our emotional state so much, and we appear to find certain situations and environments more challenging,\u00a0 making certain changes may appear to mitigate some of our emotional discord; honoring those preferences can serve a positive purpose. But ultimately, peace of mind and a sense of satisfaction and well being will come from within.<\/span><\/p>\n

As some of you may know, my husband and I travel full-time, housesitting all over the world. I change locations pretty frequently. I have lived in all sorts of climates, locales and types of houses.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I certainly have my preferences for the types of places I like to stay. I really like having personal space, so I won\u2019t apply to a listing in a studio apartment since I don\u2019t want to be stuck in one room with another person 24 hours a day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But if I were to stay in a place like that, any discomfort or resistance I felt wouldn\u2019t really be about the type of dwelling in which I am staying. My dislike of the experience wouldn\u2019t truly be about not having a separate bedroom and living room space. It would be about something else completely.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I certainly have a preference for more spacious accommodations, and that\u2019s okay.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay if you would prefer to have your own place rather than living with your parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay if you would prefer a different job than you have now.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay if you prefer to be in a relationship than be single.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay if you prefer to live in a city than the suburbs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I certainly have plenty of preferences, but over time, as I have gone deeper in my mind, I definitely have discovered the deepest levels of my discontent had nothing to do with these preferences being met. And I like the idea that feeling better is totally within my control rather than being dependent on the external world having to bend to my egoic demands constantly<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And again, keeping in mind that terms like \u2018energy\u2019 and \u2018vibration\u2019 are just fancy words for feelings, the emotional state that comes with being more relaxed about our preferences, and not so insistent things must be a certain way to feel better, is very conducive to having those preferences met without us worrying so much about it; without us trying to manipulate and control things outside of us constantly<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This has certainly been my experience. Somehow my preferences get met pretty consistently with minimal involvement on my part. And I like not having to be involved so much.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So you can have your preferences, you can work towards certain goals and changes in your life. But just be mindful of where any resistance you have is really coming from. Not only will it help you feel better in the immediate moment\u2013since you realize the problem isn\u2019t really what is happening\u2013it will create a much smoother ride. It will allow for things to change more effortlessly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So If the Outside Isn\u2019t the Problem\u2026<\/span><\/h4>\n

If you\u2019re even somewhat familiar with my work, you had to know this was coming. If the outside isn\u2019t the problem, that means it is inside. It is our minds. It is our beliefs, our stories, our interpretations of what is happening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Without a sincere willingness to go within and see what is happening in there, which is the true root of any emotional upset we are experiencing, the idea that changing our circumstances is not the key to genuine happiness and well-being will just be a nice idea we claim to believe, but will never make any meaningful difference in our life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For the most part, we will still be consumed by the mind chatter that tells us otherwise, and the idea that we actually will be happier if X, Y or Z happens will remain dominant.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We will never experience the truth of this sentiment if we don\u2019t explore what is happening inside because without that exploration, we won\u2019t get the \u2018proof\u2019 we require to see it actually isn\u2019t the outside. The answers to why we actually feel the way we do will elude us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You will uncover the real reason you don\u2019t like living at your parent\u2019s house isn\u2019t because you don\u2019t have enough privacy, but because it makes you feel like a failure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And even if you got a great job and apartment tomorrow, that feeling would still plague you, even if it abated temporarily due to a change in circumstances. By realizing it really isn\u2019t about your living situation, you won\u2019t be as bothered by it, and you will start feeling better immediately, which will create an emotional state that is more conducive to attracting opportunities that will help you get the hell out of there if that is what you think you really want to do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So long as you are willing to go to the real root of the problem, you will get what you want most, which is to simply feel better, without anything in your life situation needing to change first. That\u2019s a pretty sweet deal in my opinion.<\/span><\/p>\n

This internal exploration is a pretty simple process so long as you are willing to engage in it sincerely and honestly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What changes do you want specifically?\u00a0 Why are you unhappy now? What is the story about your situation?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How does it make you feel about yourself? What do you think getting what you want would fix for you? What is the story about what is happening now? If you got what you wanted, what is that story, what would that mean?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As you keep going deeper with the stories and the beliefs, it starts becoming very clear that what is happening right now really isn\u2019t the problem. The situation is simply pushing some really painful<\/em> buttons.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And if you still decide you would like to make certain changes in your life, great, go for it. But you will be doing it from a completely different emotional and mental state, a much more preferable one. All the changes you desire won\u2019t seem so precious and important. The stakes won\u2019t feel as high. You won\u2019t feel as tense and anxious and impatient. You will be more accepting of \u2018what is\u2019 in the moment, which lends itself to an energy that will usher in all that \u2018could be.\u2019 <\/span><\/p>\n

Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it\u00a0here<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

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Support My Work<\/a><\/p>\n

If I can help you in any way, feel free to email me your questions at kellicooper1102@gmail.com. Would love to hear from you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Kelli You talk about the external not bringing you internal happiness, etc but what if your physical environment affects your state of well being and you just know that making changes will improve your state of mind and thinking?   That our circumstances do not dictate our feelings, but rather the narrative the mind […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12283"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12301,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12283\/revisions\/12301"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}