{"id":11675,"date":"2022-10-04T16:49:27","date_gmt":"2022-10-04T16:49:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/?p=11675"},"modified":"2022-10-04T18:06:26","modified_gmt":"2022-10-04T18:06:26","slug":"how-can-i-better-make-peace-with-what-is-and-detach-from-negative-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/how-can-i-better-make-peace-with-what-is-and-detach-from-negative-thoughts\/","title":{"rendered":"How Can I Better Make Peace with \u2018What Is?\u2019 and Detach from Negative Thoughts?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi Kelli! Do you have any tips on how to identify less with all the thoughts that make me crazy and simply \u2018be\u2019 more, simply exist with what is happening each moment, with out judgment? Thank you for your time and all your insight!<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Regardless of the circumstance, if we were to drill down to the core issue at the root of our emotional upset, it would essentially be that we are resistant in some way to what is happening at the moment.\u00a0 We have some sort of problem with \u2018what is.\u2019 We wish something else was happening instead, we wish the situation had gone another way, we have an unmet expectation. X shouldn\u2019t have happened and Y should have happened instead.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So if the bedrock foundation of all our emotional upset is resistance to \u2018what is\u2019 in the moment, any perspective that helps us make peace with \u2018what is,\u2019 that helps us view these situations less negatively, will be immensely helpful for achieving greater peace of mind and emotional wellness. This, by the way, is the only thing we truly want in this world. This is the only manifestation worth a damn.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Thing About Making Peace with \u2018What Is\u2019<\/span><\/h4>\n

The thing to remember though about making peace with \u2018what is\u2019 is that \u2018what is\u2019 isn\u2019t the actual problem. It\u2019s our story about it. Many a spiritual teaching would tell us the collection of experiences that make up our human existence are all neutral on the face.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no inherent meaning to any of them. There are no \u2018good\u2019 and \u2018bad\u2019 experiences. How we respond emotionally to a circumstance is a result of our human\/ego mind\u2019s judgment about it, and it loves nothing more than to judge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And said\u2019 judgment\u2019 is stemming from a very dysfunctional thought system steeped in a toxic brew of fear, self-hatred, guilt, shame, victimhood and the like. Its poisonous point of view creates immense suffering. The good news is, we don\u2019t have to be held hostage to it so long as we are willing to question its validity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So when making peace with \u2018what is\u2019 you aren\u2019t being asked to simply accept a \u2018bad\u2019 situation\u2013that naturally creates a huge amount of resistance, and the ego mind tends to double down on the perspective that justifies the bad feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0You are being asked to consider your thoughts around the circumstance and recognize the true source of your emotional suffering\u2014the ego\/human mind\u2019s narrative around it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The only thing ever hurting us in our thoughts whether they are about some issue\u2013past or present\u2013in our personal lives, a political issue, a social issue.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Only Reason Our Thoughts are a Problem<\/span><\/h4>\n

The only reason our \u2018problematic\u2019 thoughts are such is because of how they make us feel. If a thought didn\u2019t produce a bad-feeling response, it wouldn\u2019t bother us. And the only reason a thought would make us feel badly is if we believed it to be true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our mind has done a bang up job of convincing us anything it thinks must be true, any conclusion it is drawing is accurate; any meaning it is assigning to a circumstance is the only valid interpretation, any story it is weaving is unquestionably the only way to look at the situation. Nothing could be further from the truth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you start seriously questioning this dysfunctional thought system, and rejecting it, you won\u2019t think these thoughts as much. And even when you do, they won\u2019t be as bothersome because they won\u2019t hurt in the same way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They feel less heavy, less intrusive, they seem further off in the background of your mind rather than right at the forefront. They have a \u2018quieter\u2019 quality that makes them easier to ignore. You become more comfortable with these mere words running through your mind, you are able to\u00a0 co-exist more peacefully.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The thing about being willing to change the meaning, the conclusion, the story, is you must have a sense of what that story is, that conclusion is, that meaning you are assigning to the circumstance. You have to go within your mind and see what all the fuss is about.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If our thoughts are the only thing hurting us, we have to look at what those thoughts are. If you are feeling bothered by something, what is your mind saying about this situation?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0You feel angry with someone about something they said or did? Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

You went into an emotional tailspin when someone you connected with on a dating app\u2013who is basically a complete stranger\u2013 disappeared after a couple of days chatting. Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

Being around certain people makes you feel really badly about yourself and like you aren\u2019t good enough. Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

You feel really jealous of your co-worker. Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

You loathe being single and obsessively worry about finding a relationship. Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

You still feel very angry about something someone did a really long time ago and can\u2019t forgive them. Why?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Only Thing Required of You<\/span><\/h4>\n

Like I have said many times before, the crux of personal growth, the spiritual journey, or whatever you call this \u2018process,’ is nothing more<\/em><\/strong> than conscious choice. Our thoughts are our only problem. And our thoughts are a choice, our beliefs are a choice, our perception of ourselves, and what we observe in the world around us, is a choice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are two different thought systems from which we are able to choose\u2013I have referred to them as \u2018ego thought system\u2019 and \u2018spirit thought system.\u2019 Feel free to use whatever terminology resonates with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For most of us, \u2018ego thought system\u2019 has been running the show, and its way of thinking is deeply entrenched. And anyone who has even spent a minimal amount of time observing it, can see it is a very negative one that causes a lot of pain. It has all sorts of feel-bad responses to the happenings around us locked, loaded and ready to go the moment there is an opening for them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But those of us on the \u2018journey\u2019 have now been exposed to another point of view that challenges each and every one of those painful beliefs, that offers a completely different interpretation of our life experiences, of the happenings of the world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So again, we are tasked with choosing whether to keep abiding by the same thought system we have our whole life, or opting for this new one we now know exists.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The beauty of this whole thing is no one can take that power of choice away from us, no one can force us to choose the painful thought system against our will.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The second a person commits to that choice in a genuine way they have already succeeded.<\/em><\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

The thing is though, this choice is not some one and done deal. It is a choice we must commit to over and over again<\/em> as we have deep conditioning to overcome.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We will constantly see and experience things that challenge this point of view, and pull us back to the ego mind\u2019s interpretation. But every time we choose in favor of \u2018spirit\u2019 we build a momentum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And as this momentum builds, this thought system starts to feel more natural and more like your own, rather than a set of ideas you are merely intellectually appreciating and analyzing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For every \u2018ego thought\u2019 about a circumstance, there will be a \u2018spirit thought system\u2019 counterpoint. And we make a choice\u2013 do I believe what\u2019 ego\u2019 has to say about this or what \u2018spirit\u2019 would say?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a big fan of \u2018questions\u2019 when it comes to this emotional\/spiritual work. Questions help us see what is really in our mind, they help us reinforce the teachings that will benefit us. And one of my favorite questions to ask when I am feeling challenged by a circumstance, when I am feeling a lot of resistance to it, is \u2018What would spirit say about this?\u2019<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Spirit sees things as they really<\/em> are. Spirit sees us<\/em> as we really<\/em> are. Spirit will guide us to the solutions, to the right actions, to the insights we need. Spirit will gladly point out how the circumstance is serving us and how we can use it for positive change and growth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Spirit will tell us nothing<\/em> is at it appears to be, and the\u00a0 how \u2018ego\u2019 always<\/em> has everything backwards and upside down.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Spirit will remind us all the \u2018unwanted\u2019 we see in our little corner of the world is nothing more than our screwy unconscious acting itself out in the state of our relationships, our finances, our health and every other aspect of our being.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But in order to sincerely choose in favor of \u2018spirit thought system\u2019 there is a core choice<\/em> that must be made. And this choice is to believe what many spiritual teachings have told us\u2013our feelings are a guidance system to evaluate what is true and untrue in this world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The intuitive resonance, that good feelings we feel, with the \u2018spirit thought system\u2019 type thoughts means they are true. The heaviness and aversion we feel to the \u2018ego\u2019 thoughts means they are not true. To move forward in any real way, to make any real lasting change in our belief system, and emotional state, we must accept this as a valid means of \u2018evaluation.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gotta Feel the Feelings<\/span><\/h4>\n

If our circumstances are not really the cause of our negative feelings, then that means the feelings we are experiencing were already<\/em> inside of us somewhere. The argument, the nasty email, the rude service person, getting fired from your job or your boyfriend breaking up with you ,merely pushed some button, it dredged up something that already<\/em> existed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If we are willing to deal with our feelings and not suppress them, then those buttons won\u2019t be there to be pushed, there will be nothing there to be \u2018dredged up\u2019 when something happens that would be a \u2018match\u2019 to those feelings.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This might not be a literal complete disappearance of the feelings in every instance\u2013most of us are not totally enlightened beings who have mastered our minds fully\u2013but we can make some pretty decent headway.<\/span><\/p>\n

While the statement that most of us will retain our \u2018normal humanness\u2019 to some degree sounds obvious, it is something we easily forget while traveling the path. Our extreme resistance to our negative feelings is magnitudes more responsible for our suffering than the feelings themselves.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Because we are driven strongly by \u2018pain-minimization\u2019 there is a part of us hoping we will be able to rid ourselves of these feelings completely, and a lot of our suffering comes from our seeming inability to accomplish this goal. We feel like a \u2018failure\u2019 every time \u2018ego thought system\u2019 guides our reactions, behaviors and choices.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

With that being said, it is totally possible to become completely unbothered by certain experiences, or interactions with people, that previously would have produced significant emotional disturbance. But don\u2019t despair if that doesn\u2019t seem to be your experience, at least as of yet.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We are never upset for the reason we believe. I can\u2019t tell you how many times my husband\u2019s loving probing of what was in my mind when I was acting emotionally \u2018squirrelly\u2019 uncovered some sort of upset that was completely<\/em><\/strong> unrelated to the external circumstance that human\/ego me was blaming. <\/span>\u00a0I can\u2019t tell you how many times I uncovered that even a minor annoyance at something seemingly mundane, was actually a manifestation of a more intense feeling of anger, grief or sadness that was leaking out.<\/span><\/p>\n

You may uncover your anger towards your husband is all about your father. Your resentment towards your kids is all about your unresolved grief from your mom dying. Your annoyance with your co-worker is a projection of your feelings about your sibling, who is very similar to them in many ways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our feelings are never about what our human mind thinks it is about. Whenever we are perceiving a feeling to be caused by something happening in that immediate moment, by some problem we are facing now in our life currently, we are mistaken. The feeling was already there and something in the external world just flushed it up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

General Vibe Management<\/span><\/h4>\n

If terms like \u2018energy\u2019 and \u2018vibration\u2019 are just fancy words for feelings, tending to our emotional health in a more general way (and not specifically just to \u2018manifest\u2019 stuff) is very valuable in making more consistent, genuine shifts in our overall emotional state, in how we generally feel on a day to day basis.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we build a stronger emotional \u2018foundation\u2019 we feel more equipped to deal with the various situations in our life the ego mind will inevitably label a \u2018problem\u2019 to be resisted, judged and upset about.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We will find things that would destroy us emotionally for days may only bother us for a few hours. Even in moments where we are feeling very intense emotion, it doesn\u2019t suck us in completely, and there is a part of us that feels \u2018separate\u2019 from all that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we are more in tune with what is happening inside, we see the fleeting nature of our thoughts and the feelings they produce. With this greater awareness that our feelings come and go, we won\u2019t get so caught up in them when they strike, we will feel less resistance in the moments we are experiencing anger, frustration, impatience, fear, anxiety and all that other fun stuff.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So what changes can you make in your daily life that would support your emotional well-being? What are the things you keep telling yourself you want to start doing but have yet to? Going to bed earlier? Exercising more? Spending more time with friends and family? Taking that yoga class? Making more time for yourself? Cooking healthier meals instead of getting take out every night after work?<\/span><\/p>\n

What are the energetic \u2018saboteurs\u2019 that are likely undermining all your efforts at \u2018personal growth and betterment?\u2019 Too much time on social media? Reading the news every day? Overextending yourself with all sorts of commitments because you have a hard time saying \u2018no\u2019 to people?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ultimately, what we are trying to accomplish with all our \u2018effort\u2019 in this realm of spiritual and personal growth is building an energetic\/emotional momentum in the direction of \u2018spirit thought system\u2019 thoughts and the lovely feelings that accompany those points of view.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking a good hard look at how we are spending our time day to day, where we direct our attention, is a key part of this process. The biggest change really comes from the accumulation of a series of seemingly small choices, changes in habit and behaviors.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We may not shift gears completely overnight, we may have some stops and starts,\u00a0 but if we are serious about making the effort, we can begin building that momentum genuinely and sincerely at any moment we commit to doing so.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it\u00a0here<\/a><\/p>\n

Work with Me<\/a><\/p>\n

Courses<\/a><\/p>\n

Coaching Call Library<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Kelli! Do you have any tips on how to identify less with all the thoughts that make me crazy and simply \u2018be\u2019 more, simply exist with what is happening each moment, with out judgment? Thank you for your time and all your insight! Regardless of the circumstance, if we were to drill down to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11680,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11675","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-law-of-attraction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11675","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11675"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11675\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11684,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11675\/revisions\/11684"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11675"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11675"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11675"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}