{"id":11543,"date":"2022-05-25T14:59:52","date_gmt":"2022-05-25T14:59:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/?p=11543"},"modified":"2022-05-26T12:51:00","modified_gmt":"2022-05-26T12:51:00","slug":"how-do-i-feel-better-now-when-im-so-unhappy-with-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/how-do-i-feel-better-now-when-im-so-unhappy-with-my-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do I Feel Better Now When I’m So Unhappy with My Life?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I always hear how you have to FEEL good and focus on what you want in spite of what’s going on in your reality.\u00a0 No body can really give a good explanation on HOW to actually do this in the midst of always struggling and hating everything you have to do to survive.\u00a0 Sure, I have tried to feel good anyway…but that only lasts until something happens AGAIN to keep me where I’m at.\u00a0 How do you truly feel the way you would like to feel if you had your ideal life when it is far from ideal.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Love this question because it allows me to talk about one of the most confusing aspects of \u2018manifesting\u2019–it may be a verb but it\u2019s not an action. There really isn’t anything here I haven’t said before in some way, but we need that repetition so I am happy to repeat myself! My answer to this question will either clear up some of the confusion for the person who asked it, and others with a similar issue, or further frustrate them. I hope it is the former!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The \u2018How\u2019 Isn\u2019t What You Think It is<\/span><\/h4>\n

When we ask \u2018how\u2019 to do something, we are usually talking about what actions to take to accomplish a specific goal. Understandable question. But ‘inner work\u2019 is not something we master in an action-oriented way. It is not something, if done correctly, will produce a particular result. There is nothing we can \u2018do\u2019 to guarantee any sort of change. The mind doesn\u2019t like this answer but trust me, it\u2019s good it doesn\u2019t work this way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018How\u2019 we make internal shifts that translate to changes in our external reality will never be achieved in any meaningful way by action. This is why many people who develop very diligent routines and rituals, who have done countless programs and seminars over the years, find themselves no better off than when they started, much to their dismay and frustration. <\/span><\/p>\n

I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I realized, at the core, this was not an action-oriented process. I was so sick of always feeling like I had to be ‘doing’ something, learning some new approach or angle. <\/span><\/p>\n

These days, unless something deeply resonates, I\u00a0 confidently take a pass, knowing that if it doesn’t speak to me intuitively, it’s not for me. I know there is no inherent power in the tool, technique or modality, in and of itself, so I’m not missing out on anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

Manifesting is not about what we are \u2018doing\u2019 it is about what we are \u2018being.’ As far as the \u2018how\u2019 is concerned, we don\u2019t want to be asking \u2018How do I get<\/em> X, Y or Z?\u2019 We want to be asking \u2018How do I become<\/em> the person who would naturally \u2018align\u2019 with X, Y or Z?\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no action that can make us shift internally in any way because the state of our inner world is determined by <\/span>nothing more<\/span><\/i> than what we choose it to be. Words like \u2018energy\u2019 and \u2018vibration\u2019 are just fancy words for feelings, and our feelings are determined by our perceptions, by our belief system.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We <\/span>choose<\/i><\/b> those things, and we don\u2019t need to \u2018do\u2019 anything to facilitate the \u2018choosing.\u2019 We choose to change our belief system or we choose to keep the one we already have. It is as simple as that. There are no tools, techniques or strategies that can make us change our minds.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Various \u2018actions\u2019 may <\/span>support <\/span><\/i>this core action of \u2018choosing\u2019 in that they help us get into certain states of mind.\u00a0 They put us in a head space that makes us more amenable to the various teachings exposing us to these new beliefs, feel less stress and more \u2018positive\u2019 energy, and so on. <\/span><\/p>\n

But again, these actions in and of themselves have zero power to make us change in any way. So if you find there are things that help you feel more centered, more \u2018positive\u2019 and the like, make use of them. But just don\u2019t assign them a power they don\u2019t have.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A Key Shift in Thinking You Must Embrace<\/span><\/h4>\n

Like awesome question-asker noted, she says it is really hard to feel good in the midst of her current unwanted circumstances, and she may succeed for a bit until something else happens she doesn\u2019t like, and the resistance and bad feelings come rushing back.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Genuine, lasting, consistent shifts in our emotional state will forever elude us so long as we believe our circumstances are responsible for our feelings. This line of thinking will keep us trapped in a never ending cycle of negativity because the ego thought system operates in such a way that it will CONSTANTLY find things in your reality it doesn\u2019t like.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your job isn\u2019t to feel better \u2018in spite\u2019 of what is going on in your life, it is recognizing what is going on in your life has nothing to do with how you feel. Your mind will make an excellent argument against this idea, and you can decide to stick with its belief that the outside is responsible for your feelings. You will get to be \u2018right\u2019 but you will not be happy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Like I said earlier, the crux of all this spiritual \u2018work\u2019 is nothing more than conscious choice. Our perceptions are our only problem, and we choose our perceptions. And the choice between believing our circumstances are responsible for our feelings, or that our perceptions are, is one of the most important choices we will make, because that will impact so many of our subsequent choices.<\/span><\/p>\n

The thing is though, if we are willing to consider the true problem isn\u2019t our circumstances, but our stories about them, we must take the next step of actually looking at the story.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

This seems obvious, but our mind is really good at sidestepping the most important aspects of this \u2018work.\u2019 It thinks intellectually accepting an idea is sufficient to \u2018fix\u2019 the issue. But simply buying into this idea, without taking it any further, won\u2019t provide the emotional benefit it is supposed to provide.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is where it can get messy and icky, because it will force us to admit to things we don\u2019t want to admit to, to feel feelings we don\u2019t want to feel.<\/span><\/p>\n

So why are you upset about things as they are now? Why are you upset about being single? Why are you upset about having a particular health problem? Why are you upset about your professional situation?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are you upset you didn\u2019t get that promotion? Why are you upset you don\u2019t have more money? Why are you upset about what that person said or did?<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you think the situation says about you as a person? What does it make you think about your future? If things didn’t change, if you didn’t get what you wanted, what would that mean? What images are you seeing in your mind when you think about these issues?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the biggest \u2018energetic blocks\u2019 for people is the inability to change their feeling state in the midst of their unwanted circumstances. The only reason this seems so impossible is because we believe the circumstances are causing the feelings.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we no longer believe that, this all-important aspect of \u2018energetic transformation\u2019 becomes much easier<\/em> to achieve. You realize the problem was never what you thought it was. You realize nothing needs to change first for you to \u2018manifest\u2019 what you ultimately want most, which is to simply feel better. <\/span><\/p>\n

You will no longer feel compelled to follow the well-meaning, but essentially bad advice ,of ‘acting as if’ you were already happy with your life and you already had what you wanted. This usually amounts to nothing more than denial of your current feelings, and keeps you from looking at what needs to be looked at to effect any meaningful<\/em> change in your circumstances and emotional state. All this ‘faking’ creates a lot of tension and just exacerbates your feelings of lack.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You enter a state of surrender to the moment (which the ego mind wrongly interprets as resignation) and are willing to embrace your reality as it is now. You start seeing it for what it really is, which is nothing more than a neutral reflection of your dominant beliefs, perceptions and emotional state, all of which you have the power to change.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You are willing to look for the lessons, you are willing to see how what is happening may be serving you, how it can actually help you get to where you want to be. It is flushing up things from deep within, that can now be looked at and released.<\/span><\/p>\n

From an energetic perspective, resisting where we are now, being so upset about what we don\u2019t have, all that icky energy of \u2018need,\u2019 serves no positive purpose. Accepting your circumstances as they are now does not mean giving up on changing them, it simply means understanding all the energy that comes from being \u2018against\u2019 them doesn\u2019t help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, if energy and vibration are simply fancy words for \u2018feelings,\u2019 holding onto any belief that doesn\u2019t make us feel good won\u2019t help our cause. And now matter how much you think it may be true, believing our circumstances are responsible for our feelings, believing certain things must happen for us, or we don\u2019t get to feel better, does not feel good in the slightest. <\/span><\/p>\n

The ego thought system is not very \u2018manifesting-friendly\u2019 because nothing it believes feels good.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Changing the Goal<\/span><\/h4>\n

So long as \u2018feeling better\u2019 remains not the goal in and of itself, but simply a means to an end, that end being \u2018manifesting\u2019 something your ego mind wants, it will be a very bumpy, frustrating journey.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We all start in this space. How can we not when we are conditioned deeply to believe changing the outside world in various ways is the key to feeling all the good feelings we want, and getting rid of all the bad feelings we don\u2019t? I know that is where I started.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But at some point we start realizng this isn\u2019t true, and what we are really after is emotional healing and wellness. We realize that nothing outside of us, nothing we can acquire ,or achieve, will provide it in any real, meaningful, lasting way, whether it\u2019s money, a relationship, changing our body or a better job. At some point we realize we need to shift focus from the external to the internal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Most of us however, won\u2019t apply these \u2018realizations\u2019 in real time. We will contintue to allow the ego mind to dominate the journey; we will be afraid to \u2018give up\u2019 on all the stuff we want, even as we realize getting it isn\u2019t the answer. We are so used to our attachment; we are basically addicted to our sense of need and dissatisfaction, to wanting, to using the present moment as nothing more than a stepping stone to some future goal, to acquiring \u2018more\u2019 than we have now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And within, a tension will grow as we continue to put all our efforts into \u2018manifesting\u2019 this or that, even though we now understand we are putting our attention in the wrong place.\u00a0 Again, we are up against very deep conditioning and this can be a process. If you accept it is something that happens over time, you’ll be fine.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while we may not pivot immediately, once we start more deeply internalizing all these spiritual teachings, we see at some point we will have to make a choice between continuing to solely focus on the external or take the journey within(which will naturally affect your reality in all sorts of ways ego mind will find pleasing since \u2018mind\u2019 is the true level of cause.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, it is all about conscious choice. We choose where to put our focus. We choose whether to keep embracing the ego thought system causing all this pain, or switch over to the \u2018spirit\u2019 thought system, which heals this pain in all its forms, from attachment to self-loathing to unresolved trauma to holding other people responsible for our feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

We choose to focus within, where both the problem and the solutions lie, or we choose to keep operating under the delusion that changing the outside is the key to happiness, and continue to do all of our \u2018personal growth work\u2019 in service of getting \u2018stuff.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We choose to explore our perceptions, and be willing to embrace ones that can provide immediate emotional relief, or insist our circumstances are the cause of our bad feelings and we cannot possibly feel better until things change.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Stuff Still Comes<\/span><\/h4>\n

As a fellow human, I get how real this world feels, I get how we value certain things within it, that we believe we have certain needs that must be met. This is why I address \u2018energy work\u2019 in the context of \u2018manifesting\u2019 plenty.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope that by reassuring people that\u00a0 focusing internally doesn\u2019t mean \u2018giving up\u2019 on changing your life ,and your circumstances, it will allow them to shift their attention here, and get what they ultimately want (emotional wellness.)<\/span><\/p>\n

I want them to understand walking this path will not have the implications the ego mind believes it does, because it sees a false choice between pursuit of \u2018happiness\u2019 and pursuit of your stuff. And if it thinks we can only choose one, you know what it\u2019s going to choose.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If the level of \u2018mind\u2019 is the true level of cause, the deeper transformations that will come from focusing more internally, will have no choice but to dramatically impact your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And speaking from personal experience, it changes in much better ways, and much more easily, when you stop making the outside your primary focus. The less I concerned myself with ‘getting’ things, the more easily and seamlessly my life changed in ways the human \u2018me\u2019 found pleasing. I haven\u2019t totally released on the external world and all my \u2018preferences\u2019 so I get it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I have reached a point where I have largely let go of the delusion that any change in my circumstances will make any real difference in how I feel. I may still \u2018want\u2019 certain things but I don\u2019t take it all so seriously anymore. The value I have placed on money and the like has changed dramatically.\u00a0 I no longer hold any ego \u2018wants\u2019 so precious and dear because I know those things are meaningless insofar as impacting my well-being. <\/span><\/p>\n

I know when I am feeling disturbed by something in the external, or my mind is telling me things would be better if they were different, or if I had something I didn’t now, it’s not true, and I bring it back into my mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The more \u2018surface\u2019 level changes we make in our energy, courtesy of how a teaching like the LOA is usually presented ,is kind of \u2018child\u2019s play.\u2019 We may get stuff, but we sell ourselves short. There really isn\u2019t any consistency. We will end up taking more action than necessary, action we probably won\u2019t enjoy. Because changing the outside isn\u2019t the answer, even if we get all sorts of stuff, we still don\u2019t feel all that much better, so what\u2019s the point?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All of our emotional \u2018ick\u2019 is the biggest \u2018barrier\u2019 to aligning with different circumstances. It isn\u2019t that we aren\u2019t being \u2018positive\u2019 enough, it isn\u2019t that we are using the wrong tools and techniques, it isn\u2019t that we aren\u2019t being clear or specific enough about what we want, it isn\u2019t that we are doing manifesting \u2018wrong.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All of our human \u2018wants\u2019 are stemming from some sort of emotional pain. We want what we want on the outside because we believe these changes will minimize these bad feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

If we are willing to explore the real root of these feelings\u2013our perceptions of our past and current circumstances\u2013we break free of our ego mind\u2019s delusion that changing the outside is the antidote to this pain. We see we have total \u2018control\u2019 in healing this pain because it stems from a story we created and chose to keep believing all this time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So dealing with said \u2018ick\u2019 will have more effect on your external world than anything you can \u2018do.\u2019 Action in its various forms is not \u2018manifesting.\u2019 It is about what we are \u2018being\u2019 not what we are \u2018doing.\u2019\u00a0 Again<\/em>, if energy and vibration are just fancy words for \u2018feelings\u2019 then emotional healing will have a dramatic effect on your circumstances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How could feeling whole, perfect and complete as you are have a negative impact on manifesting a relationship?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How can feeling genuine gratitude for what you have now lead you to receive less?\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How can being detached from various outcomes make it more likely for \u2018bad\u2019 things to happen?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How can the feeling that comes with trusting in God, the Universe, or whatever your preferred term, to support you, lead to creating more problems in your life, rather than solving the ones you have now?<\/span><\/p>\n

So long as you are alive, you will be \u2018manifesting\u2019 and feeling better now, regardless of what you have, or don\u2019t have, will have zero downside to this, I promise. Prioritizing emotional healing over simply trying to attract what you don\u2019t have, is actually the easier way to change the outside. Trust me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Have a question you think would make a good blog post? Submit it\u00a0here<\/a><\/p>\n

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I always hear how you have to FEEL good and focus on what you want in spite of what’s going on in your reality.\u00a0 No body can really give a good explanation on HOW to actually do this in the midst of always struggling and hating everything you have to do to survive.\u00a0 Sure, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11549,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-law-of-attraction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11543","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11543"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11543\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11555,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11543\/revisions\/11555"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11549"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11543"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11543"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.livelifemadetoorder.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11543"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}