So, today I am going to address a very common issue with this whole law of attraction thing—the anxiety and obsession that often sets in once we start consciously working with our energy, and trying to manifest whatever it is we have decided we would like to, the seeming inability we have to not focus on the negative circumstances in which we currently find ourselves, the very circumstances that sparked the desire for change.

It was inspired by a comment someone left on the blog recently. I have no doubt this is something with which many other people are struggling, and in answering the questions here, I know I am giving out information that I am sure will be of benefit to many other readers.

So, onto the question and my thoughts.

Hey Kelli
I’ve been reading your blogs and listening to the podcasts for a few months now and find them really useful. An area I struggle with is that ‘obsessive’ & ‘anxious’ part of me that focus’ on the lack of something. So if there is a situation or circumstances I want to change, it stays at the forefront of my mind, generating a load of negative energy and emotion.

Say my working environment isn’t great and I’m thinking of moving on, its becomes an all-encompassing source of anxiety in me, I create an internal narrative of ‘work is so bad, I’m dreading going back in on Monday, should I get a new job, what if no one wants me to work for them’ and so on. I realize this is negative energy and while some days I’m vibing so high and can really surrender my anxiety, it feels like its like the downer is my default setting. I know that I need to shift this energy and surrender my desire, but I find this incredibly difficult. How do I stop obsessing??

It’s Okay to Not Like What You Don’t Like

In the question, Rose used work as an example. The dread and other yuck that often crops up when we are in a working situation we don’t like. And this is totally understandable. We spend a lot of time working, and to be doing something we don’t enjoy sucks, it sucks big time.

Everything we experience is constantly creating a catalog of preferences, and the experience of not liking something clues us in very powerfully to what we would like instead. So it’s good we are getting that feedback.

While we are technically able to be content in any situation by adopting a perspective that would allow for us to be, we don’t have to do that. We aren’t here to just settle for whatever situations in which we find ourselves and ‘try to make the best’ of it. The goal isn’t to craft a life we can find tolerable, or isn’t totally sucky.

The idea of adopting better-feeling perspectives in order to change our energy in the present moment, which is all we EVER have, can be misconstrued to mean we must find a way to like what is happening now, that we must adopt some perspective in which we see what we don’t like as something we could like.

We feel pressure to be happy or we feel tasked with finding some positive spin on a situation that we don’t like, and this just creates so much more resistance in countless ways. It makes us worry if we feel better now, that our desired manifestations will no longer come since it seems we no longer ‘want’ them.

For example, if you are struggling with money, you are not being asked to find some perspective in which not having money is just peachy. Wow, think of all the decisions people have to make when they have plenty of money—how hard must it be to decide where to summer this year, or where to buy that second home. Gee, I’m sure glad I’m poor…no need to worry about all that, no siree.

Now as you are reading this, you may feel a sense of relief that all your ‘negativity’ is okay and you can just keep bemoaning your current circumstances, not worrying it will get in the way of your manifesting.

But, you’re not off the hook…sorry. Here’s the thing. You get to feel your emotions; you get to have your preferences; you get to be the ‘imperfect’ human who cannot fully be in total alignment with your higher self, who is vibing high always, who resists nothing.

But if you want to change your life through changing your energy, which is the easy, more joyful way than trying to force everything through action and control the world around you, something has to give at some point.

You simply have to choose to shift focus, you simply have to choose to adopt a certain energetic way of being, with the faith that reality will soon get with the program, and mirror back all these higher vibes to you. It really does come down to choice…it can take awhile for that to sink in.

Most of us are simply unwilling to do this if we are really honest with ourselves, and it is the crux of our problems. We are still insistent on waiting for something to change until we feel better; we are still insistent on pointing to all that is wrong with our lives now as a justification for why we get to feel badly.

You won’t do it all the time, you’ll have your moments, that’s cool. Don’t stress about it—the stressing about it is what makes it happen more frequently, makes it more intense and makes it last longer. Suspend judgments in these moments, curb the anxiety about it, and you will be amazed at the reduced impact.

Our mind is looking for some logical set of steps to do this, an explanation it can get on board with, but this isn’t some intellectual exercise, it’s emotional. There is no exact blueprint where if you do X and Y, you will get Z.

Sure, there are certain tools we can employ, like affirmations or whatever else works for us personally, but they are just a means to an end. There is no one action you can take that can guarantee some sort of shift in your energy…I know it would be easier if that was the case, but it’s not.

Again, it’s totally okay to not like what you don’t like, but there has to be that effort to focus on the positive aspects of your life, to shift focus when you are going down a road that isn’t serving you. Energy management has to become priority number one in your life…this will take some getting used to, but it gets easier.

It Feels Like ‘Downer’ Is My Default Setting

It feels like that because, well…it is; but don’t feel too badly about that. That is the case for like 99.99 percent of us. But it’s not permanent, it can absolutely change, one million percent.

We have always been encouraged to adopt nonsense like ‘hope for the best but expect the worst,’ if you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t happen,’ and so on and so forth.

We believe that worrying about something may somehow make it less likely to happen; and if it does happen, at least it won’t come as a total shock because we had considered it a potential outcome, so that will soften the blow.

We don’t trust we are being infinitely supported, and that ultimately, it is all up to us to make it all happen, to figure it all out. We don’t quite believe that we are what we are, that we are capable of doing what we are able to do, that we are co-creating with the good old Universe.

All around us, people’s lives suck to various degrees and very few seem to actually get what they want, very few seem to be genuinely happy, so why would I be any different? What makes me so special that I get to have what I want, that life would be easy for me?

That higher vibration can take awhile to stabilize, and since there isn’t a lot of momentum behind it, even the smallest of things can knock us right out of it and back to that default setting, which has massive amounts of energy behind it.

As much as we may not like how it feels, it is comfortable and we are used to feeling this way, we are used to those beliefs, thoughts and feelings.

It is easier to operate from that space because it is so freaking familiar. We never have to expend any effort to feel badly, it happens quite quickly and naturally.

We often have to expend some effort to get in a more positive frame of mind, and that feels uncomfortable and sometimes downright hard, especially in the beginning when we haven’t done this very much.

Even when we start to make some headway, our mind can’t help but interfere. You may start changing how you feel and respond to certain situations, and your mind is like, um…don’t we usually worry about this? Don’t we usually get mad when your mom says something like this? Wouldn’t we usually get extremely anxious when a situation like this happens?

And you are like…yes, yes we would. And back to default we go, though at times it may not be as strong.

Like I said earlier,energy management must become a top priority for us deliberate creators since we have learned it is our energy that determines what is showing up in our lives.

Does this mean that once you start activating these higher vibrations, you will never again feel doubt or fear or any other negative emotion? No, it doesn’t, so don’t put pressure on yourself to achieve something like that.

But in a higher vibration, you experience these things very differently; even in the moments you get totally sucked in, there is a part of you that is still in that higher vibe, that knows that all you are freaking out about isn’t real, that all the conclusions you are drawing now, are not real. You get it out of your system, and back you go.

Activating and Nurturing Your Energy with Action

Ew, action. We don’t like that word do we? The whole reason we were drawn to a concept like the law of attraction was the promise we could get whatever we wanted without having to do shit to make it happen. Who wouldn’t love that?

And that is actually true… all sorts of awesome things just float into our reality without us having taken any specific action to bring them about. We realize that certain actions we may have been taking in the past aren’t actually necessary and we can cease doing them, only taking actions that feel light and fun.

I’m getting a bit off track here, so back to my point…

But there are times when action is required on our part. There will be actions and decisions that are required of us if we really want to activate and stabilize higher vibrations.

I am not talking about actions directly related to a specific manifestation, like adopting a new marketing technique for your business, or making sure you sign up for online dating if you want to maximize your chances of meeting someone.

I am talking about actions related to managing your energy, that will help strengthen the energies, beliefs, feelings and points of view that support getting what you want, and chip away at the ones that clearly don’t.

I am talking about how you are conducting your day-to-day life.

This is the key to curbing the anxiety and obsession. The better we feel, the more things we will manifest that give our mind that all-important ‘proof’ it craves that there is something to all this. And the more ‘proof’ we get, the easier it is to get into the groove. It builds trust.

The better we feel, the less we will approach manifesting from a space of resisting our current reality, and determining that the only way for us to feel better is to have these particular things show up.

These things are not the key…they never are because what we really want goes way beyond what any one thing, be it a person, job, or more money, can provide. Your mind will not agree with this, but trust me.

And the less we feel the ‘need’ for something, the less we will obsess about it, the less anxiety we will feel about whether or not it will happen. And the more space we will create for all sorts of great things to show up, things that are often better than what we wanted, things that are more accurate reflections of what we truly want, which is to feel a certain way.

So, what energy-friendly actions and decisions are calling you?

Maybe it is developing a morning routine to get you off on the right foot energetically in the morning.

Maybe it is scaling back on some commitments so you have more time to devote to yourself and nurturing your well-being.

Maybe it is spending less time with people who are bringing you down.

Maybe it is making tweaks to your physical environment, like getting rid of anxiety-inducing clutter.

Maybe it’s devoting more time to engaging with tools you personally resonate with, such as affirmation or writing a gratitude list.

Are you willing to make your energy a priority in your life? Are you willing to make choices and take actions that will likely be uncomfortable, at least at first? Are you willing to choose in favor of the life you want, regardless of what may be happening right now?

Even the smallest changes can make a huge difference, which means that there is at least one thing you can likely do right now, no matter how much your mind may be telling you it’s not possible.


I know that with questions like this, we are hoping for an answer like…spin around three times, hop on your right foot twice, while chanting ‘I am one with the Universe’ to permanently get rid of anxiety or to shed a limiting belief.

And again, a variety of tools can help for sure because in those moments we are doing them, we are activating certain energies; but it’s never about what we ‘doing.’

It is always about what we are ‘being’ and the only thing we need to ‘do’ to ‘be’ a certain way is choose to be that way. It will likely be a gradual shift, and you’ll backslide sometimes, that is all good.

But don’t ever underestimate the power of intention, of simply choosing to nurture your trust instead of giving into your anxiety, of choosing to believe things will go your way rather than believing they won’t.

Every time you make that choice, you activate those energies, and all of that starts to add up over time, and you can shift a whole lot without really ‘trying’ to.

Your Turn

What did you think? Anything resonate in particular? What tips would you give to tackle that anxiety and obsession? Looking forward to your thoughts as always.