Upon learning about the law of attraction, it becomes glaringly obvious the role our emotional state plays in determining the myriad experiences that show up in our life. Because we get to choose perspectives, our feelings and all that jazz, this is a good thing because it means we have some degree of control over our lives.
I say degree because we can control our energy, which will make all sorts of things show up that will mirror it back to us, but we really can’t control exactly what shows up as result of that energy—I am getting a bit off topic I suppose but it’s an important point that I think can easily be missed by many of us deliberate creators, much to our detriment.
Anyway…this naturally may create a lot of anxiety about our ‘negative’ emotion. I put that in quotes because I don’t think this emotion is ‘bad’ but rather emotion we consider undesirable because it feels badly.
Does this mean we are up shit’s creek without a paddle if we aren’t happy all the time? What do we do with all the crap that has been festering? Do we just suppress it and try to make it go away?
When we are having a bad day or feeling doubtful about whether a certain thing will manifest for us, do we acknowledge it or try and force ourselves to feel better and focus ‘positively’ on something else instead?
I think there are lots of misconceptions about harnessing the power of the law of attraction, namely the insistence on absolute positivity every waking moment. That puts a lot of pressure on people, and we often fail miserably at attempting this, which leads us to beating ourselves up, and getting all upset thinking we won’t be able to get what we want.
Yeah, if we were jazzed every moment of the day and able to focus positively no matter what, would things come much more quickly and easily? Without question. But alas, we are human and we probably won’t be that way, and as much as we may get that in our heads, there is that part of us hoping we can reach some state where we are forever free of emotional ‘ick.’
Would be awesome but I suspect that is not what the aim is supposed to be, though I could be wrong. If you have achieved this state, do reach out and share your secrets…would love to hear them.
Gone a Bit Sour on Jungle Living…
So, as my last few posts have been, this one is inspired by my stint in the jungle. The first four weeks were going quite swimmingly. Felt great disconnecting, loved being in nature. I haven’t slept the night through in five weeks, but yet I wasn’t tired during the day, so it wasn’t bothering me that much. Lack of internet and fellow humans around didn’t bother me much, and that hasn’t changed.
And if you’ll indulge me for a moment, I will complain a bit 😉
I was really in the groove of focusing positively because I was really seeing a lot of benefit, even though there were many things I wasn’t loving about the experience, such as not having an indoor bathroom, the cabin being kind of run-down and getting kind of sick of the limited food options because no electricity means no fridge.
I was certainly outside my comfort zone but in a really good way where the challenges were really contributing to my growth without being too painful.
But then going into this fifth week, these things really started wearing on me. My positive focus was weakening and my attention was more drawn to what I didn’t like.
We were told we would be able to charge our devices at a nearby school with solar power, but they close every year for December and January for vacation, which he mentioned the day we got there. I thought I would be able to write and do other things when the mood struck, and it was frustrating not to be able to indulge in that inspiration because of a dead computer battery.
Walking to and from town, and just around the area, for regular old exercise is not very pleasant, and again, I felt feelings of anger bubbling up at the home owner for his poor job at explaining what it was really like here. I was sick of slippery rocks,and trekking through mud. I just wanted to be able to walk normally.
I started feeling more fatigued during the day , and this experience really showed me first-hand how mental yuck like stress and anxiety can zap us of our physical energy, and generally affect how our bodies feel overall. I was sleeping just as crappy the first month, but I felt basically no effect from it.
It’s funny because I expected all this to happen before I came but I guess because I was in such a great space those first four weeks, on some level I probably thought I would side step all that. So it hit me particularly hard. How silly of me to think such things.
So I was faced with that all-too-common conundrum that plagues us deliberate creators…do I let myself get all worked up about this or do I try to bring my focus back to the positive? If I let myself feel all this, won’t it get worse?
Naturally I let myself feel what I was feeling because I knew that was okay. It did me no good to pretend these things weren’t bothering me.
It was certainly understandable these things were ‘getting my goat’ if you will…why beat myself up? I’m a first world gal who likes indoor toilets, electricity and a clean, comfortable abode…high-maintenance I know. Like any other human, I do have preferences and it just is what it is.
But knowing what I know about energy, I also knew that while it was okay to feel what I was feeling, I also had to keep an eye towards doing what I could to lift my spirits.
The great thing is though, when we let ourselves feel our feelings without judgment or too much resistance, we really don’t have to ‘try’ to feel better, we naturally do after awhile.
It isn’t forced and we don’t have to pretend anything. We actually feel better. We may still not feel totally great, but we’re not miserable and we tend to get some helpful perspective.
I’m still in a bit of a jungle funk, and I don’t know if I’ll get back to where I was before where I was all zen and totally in the flow of whatever was happening, but I am sure things will improve.
I have given myself permission to have my preferences and not like what I don’t like. I have given myself permission to admit I’m struggling a bit and a bit farther out of my element than I would like perhaps. And as with every experience in life, you live and learn.
I Can’t Give You the Answer You Probably Want
Our mind really likes concrete steps. We are obsessed with knowing what to ‘do’ to manifest. We mistakenly think it is all these actions that will get us the result.
And sure, there are certain things we can do to help move things along, like engage in tools that will change our energy. We kind of need to do stuff like that because simply telling ourselves to just feel better or think a certain way probably won’t yield much.
But there isn’t an exact formula to all of this—again, all the action we take is a means to an end in that it may help shift our energy and focus in some way, which is what determines what shows up.
It would be great if I could tell you that there was some ratio you must not exceed as far as indulging your blah feelings and trying to produce all happy and shiny ones—like for every five minutes of feeling crappy, you must then be happy for at least 10.
Or if you were allotted one week to feel like shit every month and then for the rest of the time, you better have a big old smile on your face or else.
It just doesn’t work that way and I know that frustrates us. I know that we prefer the idea of being able to ensure a certain result by following a set of steps rather than navigate the sometimes muddy waters of our inner world.
Our mind over-thinks something like the law of attraction way too much, and we are always worried whether we are doing it ‘right.’ We are always on the search for some missing piece of information that just may finally bring it all together once and for all.
Ultimately, striking that balance is something that will be very personal and you’ll know when it comes time to shift focus and when you need to let yourself feel something and just let it be.
If You Feel a Certain Way, That’s How You Feel…
So, yeah, we do have all sorts of ‘ick’ and we kind of have to deal with it. This doesn’t mean going into deep analysis mode of your moods every second of the day, and dissecting every moment you don’t feel great. All that ‘ick’ is just showing us something and if it’s there, it’s there.
Again, we’re human. Sorry, nothing we can do about that. This ‘negative’ emotion is not to be demonized. It is not to be resisted. It is not to be totally ignored for fear you’ll keep manifesting stuff you don’t want.
All of our feelings have value and the goal isn’t to completely terminate some once and for all.
For many of us, this true allowing of emotions is quite new. We do a lot of suppressing.
And if we are studying something like the law of attraction, this new-found awareness of our feelings can kind of freak us out because like I mentioned earlier, we are often given the impression we shouldn’t be feeling these things because then we’ll keep attracting stuff we don’t want.
But the feeling of these things and acknowledging them is a key part of the manifesting process because that is the only way you are going to be able to process them properly. This is the only way to reveal to you certain beliefs and feelings that are already there and messing with you in one way or another.
For someone who has been suppressing a lot of anger and other emotions, truly letting it out could means weeks of daily crying. And at first glance that would seem ‘bad’ but that could be the very thing that would bring an end to the months or even years of consistently feeling bad, with all that crap constantly simmering below the surface.
I have said this many times before, and it bears repeating—there is a big difference between dealing with emotion that is already there, and constantly generating new negativity by knowingly focusing on things that make us feel badly, and deliberately choosing not to work on adopting new perspectives and focusing in ways that serves us better.
You can’t ‘trick’ the Universe—your vibration is your vibration. This idea if we just ignore or suppress emotions in hopes we can ‘hide’ them, all the while doing all sorts of things to make our desires known, like affirming or what not, just won’t work.
I am sure many of you have heard this nugget of wisdom in a variety of ways—you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. The process of manifestation is neutral…there is no middleman evaluating you, deciding what you are going to get or that has the ability to deliver what you want simply because you want it.
So much of our struggle with this type of work is this strong aversion we have to our negative emotion. Naturally we want to feel better and it’s cool.
But in this desire to avoid all these feelings, we get this death grip on the variety of manifestations that we believe will be the key to getting rid of them.
And they continue to elude us, and oh the suffering it causes. Of course we are going to get super-attached to any manifestation we believe is essential to our happiness, that is the only answer to relief.
Of course we are going to freak out about our negative feelings if we think they are what is standing in the way of these things showing up.
The feelings themselves really aren’t what is standing in the way, it is our reluctance to deal with them, which in turn, causes us to miss the variety of very helpful messages and insights they are delivering.
Feel the Feelings but Know at Some Point…
Something has got to give. Again, no exact formula to give you that will let you know when it is time to shift gears, when it is time to shut down the pity party (we all have them sometimes and it’s all good.)
Really tuning into our inner guidance is crucial in this work. We won’t always be able to find the answers outside of us. I know we really want to be able to do that all the time, but we just can’t. It would be awesome but…no.
When I was having a particularly rough moment, I decided to bust out a pen and paper and write out an appreciation list. Yeah, just wasn’t happening. No emotional shift at all…it was just me writing stuff on a piece of paper.
So I abandoned it. I didn’t try to force myself to feel good. I knew at that moment, that tool just wasn’t going to do anything for me, nor was any other.
I just wasn’t in a space where I would truly appreciate any of the things I was listing nor did I feel like I could focus positively in any genuine way.
So I just started reading and lo and behold, I just naturally started feeling better. There were times when I knew certain things would lift my spirits, like going for a walk or doing a bit of yoga, and there were times when just being ‘blah’ and letting it run its course were fine, and I didn’t feel the need to force myself to do anything ‘positive.’
I couldn’t list out for you a play-by-play of my reasoning process as far as when I let myself ‘wallow’ and when I decided to actively shift my energy in some way. It was all based on feeling and tuning into what was happening inside.
It is also important to know that feeling better doesn’t always have to involve working on the particular issue—again, we kind of know when we need to pay more attention to what is happening specifically and when changing the subject will suffice.
For example, if something is gnawing at you for weeks and weeks, you may need to take a look. If you keep manifesting situations that all feel a certain way, and said way is pretty crappy, time to take a look.
But sometimes, taking a walk, meeting up with a friend, or watching a funny movie is just the ticket. And later on, you’ll see it was just a moment and you generally feel okay with whatever the situation is, or you can look at it from a less-charged space, and get some insight into what was happening and how to best deal with it.
Again, on some level we always know what is the better course of action.
The problems start when we are constantly fighting for our negativity, and list all the reasons why we are justified in feeling that way, when we refuse to at least try to reach for the better-feeling thoughts or shift perspective.
Yeah, there will certainly be times when we manifest things we don’t want, when we feel badly for one reason or another, when we get frustrated at our lack of ‘progress.’
But when we consciously work on our energy, and do our best to tend to our emotional health, we do create a new ‘base’ of operation, as far as our predominant beliefs go, and as that strengthens, these moments don’t last as long, they aren’t as strong.
We can get back to this point more easily and we don’t have to ‘try’ as much to do so, we just naturally gravitate back there. These more positive beliefs and feelings aren’t as far away and weak anymore, and they are still operating, even in these moments of ‘negative’ emotion.
So, that’s that…hope you enjoyed it.
Your Turn…
What did you think of this post? Anything resonate with you in particular? What tips would you give for striking this balance? Is this something you think you struggle with? Looking forward to your comments as always.
An absolute crying shame you’re not toughing it out in the jungle. I’d personally see it through. (Note; for those who don’t know me, I’m Kelli’s husband, the guy who threw fits and tantrums and who’s having a tougher time in the jungle than Kelli. She’s handling it like a pro, exceedingly better than I am)
Really, You CANNOT fool the Universe. Love that point. We’re learning *complete* non-resistance is the key because when I don’t fight feelings at all, I may cry and break down for a little bit but feel better pretty damn quickly. But you really have to let it all in, and as we’re seeing, this is highly unpleasant at times. Loved this post and seeing you first hand in la selva, you are walking your talk, big-time.
Ryan
It was amazing to me that you were the one who was having the tougher time…that was certainly a first. I have found not fighting my feelings has really been beneficial in this journey as well…just have to get comfortable doing it. Thanks for your lovely insights as always.
Your post came at exactly the right time! I was thinking about this yesterday. I think it is so important to just allow your feelings to just “be” and not suppress them. Like what “you resist, persists” Maybe if we fell in love with every aspect of ourselves it would automatically shift our energy to a better place? I agree, doing things like watching a film, meeting friends can make you feel better. Music is also wonderful for that too:) Sorry, I’m rambling! Thank you for this post and your writing. This website is wonderful:)
Hi Claudette
Thanks so much for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed it. I totally agree that loving ourselves more..even the icky bits we don’t like, would make a huge difference. It is easy to dismiss that self-love stuff as being all mushy but I think it is something we all need to work on to some degree, myself included. Not rambling at all….I am a big fan of music too to boost my mood.
Hello Kelli,
I agree. Sometimes you just have to deal with how you are feeling at the moment even if those feelings are not good. In life there are going to be things that we feel good about and there are going to be things we don’t feel good about. I take comfort in knowing bad feelings don’t last forever. I know I have been working on focusing on what makes me feel good. Such as some goals that I want to accomplish. I’m not where I want to just yet but I do believe I am a lot closer than I have been.
I find that reading has really helped me a lot. I am now writing down more of my goals. I like to look at them in the morning and before I go to bed. I have also been saying affirmations in the morning and before bed time too. I believe it has been helping me. Thanks for sharing this with us!
Hi Maketta
Thanks so much for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed the read. You are so right they don’t last forever…intellectually we get that but in the moment we can forget and get all freaked out about it or think we’ll never feel better about the issue. I have found with goals, being more loose with them is beneficial for me…working more towards creating certain energies rather than certain results. I find that then, the actual goals come to fruition without the actual hard-focusing on them. I am a fan of writing things down. If a tool makes you feel good, it is certainly working.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about this obsessive need many people feel to be positive 100% of the time, which is completely unrealistic. I find that in my life, this leads to me arguing or defending my negativity more than I might otherwise, because I feel like I somehow need to plead my case to people who just won’t hear one word of anything bad.
It reminds me of how some people behave around divorce, cancer, and money problems, as if they’re somehow going to “catch” what you have if they even allow themselves to recognize it. As much as we talk about eliminating naysayers from our lives to stay on track with our goals and manifestations, ironically, sometimes I think we also need to avoid the Pollyannas at times too. If you can just own your shitstorm for a a little bit, you can get through it, but if everyone keeps denying you that right, I find it lingers.
I also think reading is a great way to change your energy, especially when leaving your physical environment just isn’t an option. Sometimes the only environment over which we have any control is the one in our head. If I can replace my own voice for a while with someone else’s through a book, I can often ride out those periods of yuck, like being stuck in the jungle with no electricity and a long, muddy trek into town. The further away I can be taken in my imagination, the better.
Time passes, and usually that’s the key to getting through a bad patch. We tend to think whatever horrid thing is upon us is forever, which of course isn’t true. “This too shall pass” is so much more palatable with a stack of good books! Yeah, living in the present moment is great in theory, but I believe distractions are better than being constantly down or negative in the present. You’re not in denial of your reality, just giving it a brief nod of acknowledgement and moving on to whatever you need to do to improve your vibration.
Hang in there! I think it’s perfectly okay to want what you want, like the basics of civilization, even if they aren’t technically needs. These things sure start to feel like needs when you don’t have them, which makes the yucky stuff worse. When I was really broke and didn’t have a lot of money for food, I would make lists of all the recipes I’d cook and visualize the groceries I’d buy when I had some cash (I was always confident the money would come somehow, sometime in the future). I think like Sara Crewe in “A Little Princess,” it actually helped me manifest abundance and savor it all the more once it came to me. Imagine what a luxury indoor plumbing and a refrigerator will feel like when you have them again!
Hello there…the letter between o and q isn’t working for some reason right now so I can’t address you by name…
Anywoo…excellent comment and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts about this. I like what you said about owning your shitstorm. I am a really big fan of reading and over the last six weeks I have done a ton. I can sit for twelve hours straight and read no issues at all. I also agree that distractions are just the ticket sometimes and are sufficient to get us out of our funk or into a different train of thought. I like that manifestation story you shared…not only did that assist in aligning you, your gratitude increased when those things did finally come. Love this comment so much
Kelli,
I’m reading your blog backwards – from newest to oldest- but I’m finding pretty much every word pertinent to me in some way. I’m a romance writer who became published this year – fabulous manifestation- but as awesome as attaining that goal was, money hasn’t followed like I hoped it would.
My day job is a huge challenge. I work tons of hours – time away from writing – and I don’t enjoy my job. At all. It even leaves me in tears. Since finding the LOA, I’ve worked really hard to change my perspective, and I’m seeing some much more positive manifestations.
Recently, however, I manifested a great job interview. It went well and I thought I had the job. Turned out I didn’t, and it shook me to the core. Thank God I found your blog!
Through you and Ryan I’ve discovered I’ve become too attached to certain specific outcomes. Now, another job oppportunity has appeared, and I’m trying not to be completely terrified of messing it up. I’m trying to just trust the Universe and breathe through my anxieties.
Whatever happens, thank you so much for providing just the voice I needed when I was going through a really tough time. You guys are awesome!
Hi Jeannie
Congratulations on getting published…that is a very big accomplishment! The money will come–just be open to the channels, of which there are infinite. The true source is the good old Universe and it can deliver the goods in countless ways. Good luck on the job search, it sounds like you are lining up with opportunities and just keep your eye on the bigger picture. This helps us release attachment to specific opportunities that may pop up. Sure a part of us may always get attached but over time that part of us can lessen considerably. Good luck with the search, I am sure you will find something perfect for you, at least perfect for the moment!
Hi Kelli
I just started affirmations for a specific goal I have which involves attaining a specific amount of money to make the project possible.
I’ve noticed that I am feeling more vulnerable since opening up to the universe.
I have been a bit more anxious and feeling conflicted about my original goal and intentions.
Is this something that occurs because of opening up to the universe? Or possibly focusing on the wrong desire, it being too specific or shallow because it involves money….
Thanks for your post. I spoke to me and relaxed my stress about things I can’t control including events and my low moods the last couple days…
Hi Lee
What is happening to you is perfectly normal…by focusing in this way, you have tapped into the various types of resistance you feel around money, the project in general,etc… And it is actually stuff that is ‘broader’ and more ‘general’ that is just being mirrored back in this particular instance. For example, a fear of failure or thinking certain things about yourself will be true if this doesn’t succeed, like you are incapable,etc…
Ultimately you can’t control anything outside of you, and the more specific we get with goals, the more we are wanting to control how we get what we want, the channels through which it comes,etc…. Focusing more generally on the project would probably be more helpful and then anything needed to bring it to fruition would come to you, including the money. Now I don’t know the specifics of your situation or what type of project this is, but there is a good chance that this is just a representation of some deeper, more general want, it represents something to you, and if this is the case, what you are ultimately after, what you truly want can come in another form so it is good to be open to that. If focusing specifically on the money doesnt feel good, don’t do it, because that ultimately isn’t what you are after anyway, it is a condition you believe must be met to do something else. Your mind will fight it is the money though and that’s normal, just be open to this perspective.